Press on Toward the Goal

Well,

Goal #1 of finishing raking leaves doesn't seem like it's going to happen. My back was KILLING me yesterday, making me quite grouchy, I may add. OK, my back didn't actually "make" me grouchy, but you know what I mean. It actually feels 90 % better this morning, but hubby won't let me finish raking because he doesn't want a broken wife on his hands. In the past, I would have been stubborn & done them anyway, just to prove I could, but I think I will submit & let him finish them. Which wouldn't be so bad, except I feel like I haven't seen him all week & I miss him & I wanted to be able to enjoy all day tomorrow, NOT doing yard work. Oh well.....such is life. So, goal #1 is kaput.

Goal #2 of waking early to exercise (after raking was done) is also kaput until my back is 100%. But, I am going to try my best to take a walk after hubby gets home so I will at least get some exercise.

Goal #3 I have no excuses, but I am not doing tremendously well. I have been waiting until I am hungry to eat breakfast, which is a start, but I have not been doing so great the rest of the day. There have been other small gains, though. I have been having homemade hot cocoa instead of ice cream or other desserts, which has fewer calories & is actually somewhat nutritious when made from scratch. Not a ton of sugar or calories & lots of calcium. And, I haven't been having a snack before bed. So, I am definitely doing better, but not fabulous. So, today I will concentrate on goal #3...especially since it's the only thing I really can control today because of my uncooperative back. My strategy is to keep very busy, so I won't think about eating as much.

I am reminded of what my small group is studying in Philippians (3:13-14), when Paul wrote: "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Paul is talking about his spiritual growth, of course, but I can apply that to this goal as well. I will never reach bodily perfection, nor will I reach perfection as far as self-control & discipline goes. BUT, I can't use that as an excuse to not set high goals for myself. If I don't set any goals, I will never achieve any of them, right? And, even though I have failed time & time again....I can't fall into the trap of looking behind me at my past failures. I must press on. Today is a new day. For me, for you, for us all. Today, I will do my best to reach this goal. With God's help & much prayer, I will win the victory over food.

Blessings, Dianna

1 Down, Many to Go

Well,

I lost one pound this week. Not too tremendous, but I will take it. More importantly, I have kicked the ice cream habit! Not that I'll never have ice cream again, but I was sincerely addicted to it, which is bad on a physical level, but also a spiritual level. IMHO, anything you feel you can't live without is verging on idolatry. There is nothing wrong with ice cream. There is, however, something very wrong with not being happy unless you can have some very day.

I have been exercising, but mostly in the form of raking leaves for hours. My acre of lawn doesn't seem that big in the winter & spring. In the summer, as I'm mowing it with the hand mower & again in Fall when I'm raking it, it seems HUGE!! We're still not done. Hopefully, I'll get a chance to work on it again today. So, the goal of waking up early is only 1/2 achieved. I knew that if I did my morning work out, I wouldn't have time or energy to rake, too, since I'm pitifully out of shape, so I kind of had to choose. So, my new goals this week are:

1. Finish raking!!

2. Start getting up early to exercise

3. Wait until I'm actually hungry before I eat. May seem obvious, but when I don't, I usually eat breakfast, lunch, a snack, dinner & dessert....simply because that's what I've always done. But, I have learned when I actually follow my body's hunger signs, I eat a TON less & less often. For a lady my size (not just chubb-o size, but my actual frame & height) I don't require nearly as much food as I would think. When I did lose a good amount of weight, I was surprised that eating less actually gave me more energy, so maybe that's something I can look forward to.

So, I am in the race (again). I will persevere! The Lord is with me & He wants me to succeed. All I have to do is agree with Him that I can & cooperate with Him.

Blessings, Dianna

Early Morning

Hello, Today is day 3 of my RE-start, my millionth beginning to new eating/exercise/attitude. I WILL win the victory. In fact, I know it's already won. Christ won this battle for me on the cross....I just need to be smart enough to claim it ....AND not let it go ....again. I got up at 5:45 today & exercised which is actually a HUGE deal, because I slept like poo...have been, actually....don't know what's up with that :( I am SO glad I did, though, because I still be in bed now, getting snippets of sleep that wouldn't help anyway. Now, at least, I feel strong & ready to start the day. The DVDs I exercise to are pretty mindless, so I pretty much pray the whole time, so that's a good way to get the old attitude on straight, too.

I did fairly well yesterday. I didn't get up as early as I would have liked, but I did get up & I did exercise. I ate less than I have been, although could have done better in that department, but I'm concentrating on 1 or 2 goals at a time. My other goal (besides exercising) has been to give up ice cream & I am past that hump, praise God!!! I have such a compassion for people trying to kick real drugs/alcohol, because I had a hard enough time with ice cream. I was Jonesin' for some. Really. And, boy, was I cranky. I have been in a much better frame of mind since I "kicked" the old ice cream habit. Partly because I am being more diligent about guarding my heart, partly because I asked some friends to pray about it, partly because exercise helps with moods, and so too much sugar/junk food is BAD for moodiness. No wonder I was a wreck. It's not just my imagination, I really am a more pleasant person when I am living better physically.

So, what about you? Have you tried to conquer a habit/lifestyle a million times & failed? Join the club!!! Don't give up! Why do you think you're still here today? Join me in my quest for better living. You're not alone. God bless, Dianna

Here I Go Again

Well, I have not posted in ages and I need to start again because I am doing HORRIBLY!!!! No matter that probably no one will read this. The act of writing it might do me some good.

I have been doing the gluten free/wheat free/yeast free thing for a little less than a year. At first, it went very well because I was so excited not to feel like poo & to be sleeping. After the novelty of that wore off, I started feeling sorry for myself at all the foods I CAN'T eat. So, I began eating more of what I could. The result: I'm back up to 181 pounds - not the highest I've ever been, certainly, but not where I want to be, either. More importantly, my attitude is stinky...ungrateful towards all that I CAN have/do. I can say I'm grateful, but if I'm complaining all the time about what I can't have, I'm not. What does that say to God? Who has given me so much else in life to enjoy. I feel like Eve in the Garden of Paradise....surrounded by beauty & God's presence, yet tricked by satan to partake of the 1 thing she wasn't supposed to have. Dumb, dumb, dumb...I am letting satan steal my joy, my productivity & my health.

Worse, I have not been exercising much & have slipped back into an overall state of non-discipline. Which is not to say I am sitting at home every day eating bon-bons, but I was doing so well there for a while & I let all my good habits slip. They say if you consistently do something for 2 weeks or so, it becomes a habit that is hard to break. Well, I was exercising consistently for months & then, "poof"!! I HATE schedules & discipline more than the average person, but I actually suspect that I need it more than the average person. Once I let one habit go, I seem to let others go & then we're going over the budget, the housework slips, the school work slips, and the rest of the house seems to take my lead & slips right along with me.

I have been under a lot of stress in the past year or 2 - waiting on the adoption that seems like it's never going to happen-but, I can't use that as an excuse. There will always be stresses in my life. There will always be delays. There will always be disappointments. Will I ever learn to handle them in a positive way & not turn to food? I feel like an episode of a soap opera...."will she, or won't she?"

Well, enough negativity. I am taking the bull by the horns. I have been 3 days without ice cream, which may not seem like a big deal, but it's the only ready-made dessert I can eat. I almost gave in last night, but didn't, thankfully! I CAN do this. Maybe I'm just a bit slower-learning than the average gal. I WILL change my attitude & my habits. What choice do I have? Continue to be miserable with myself? My big goals for the week are: 1. Continue breaking the Ice cream addiction, and 2. Start waking up early to exercise.

God bless....Dianna

Keeing on

Things are going well in the eating/exercising department. I am not seeing the #s drop as quickly as I'd like, but there is a noticable difference in how my clothes are fitting. This is fantastic, but I'd also really like to see those #s drop more quickly, too. I'm trying not to get caught up in that, though.

Figuring out how to eat gluten free/wheat free, and now yeast free is proving to be challenging, but I am making some progress. I am doing a lot of experimenting & throwing out roughly 1/4 of my creations. Different flours have entirely different textures & I'm working with a lot of ingredients I'm not familiar with. But, it's all good. I'm not feeling fatigued, sleeping well...what else can I ask for?

God bless, Dianna

God loves me

Apropos of nothing, God loves you!! Just a reminder & a reminder to myself. Having a horrible week emotionally, although physically fine:) Happy New Year!! Love, Dianna

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to my Last Blog

Hi,

Well...it's been quite a crazy few weeks. The day after I last posted I got SICK. Oy!! It was a pretty good one I'm still not 100% over. Couldn't talk for a week, had a nasty cough at night that nothing touched. Got a nasty eye infection. Fun, fun, fun..... BUT, at the same time, I stuck to my no gluten/no wheat/no yeast dealio & it's a bonafide miracle, I think. The pain that I've had in my legs forever is completely gone. I've been sleeping, and, most importantly, not feeling fatigued. I really think I may have found the problem that has plagued me & taken over my life for years. Part of me is super excited, part of me thinks it's too good to be true. Time will tell, I guess. If this is the problem, my eating/cooking habits will be changing drastically. I am trying to learn all I can, because they stick wheat into EVERYTHING!!! I like to cook, but I do eat my share of processed foods for simplicity's sake, but that won't really be an option. But, I will certainly commit to it if it means I can feel like a human being again. Oh yea, I've lost 11 pounds since my last post. God is good!!!

Merry Christmas!! Love, Dianna

Speed Racer

Well, As I posted; yesterday was my birthday. I got another very nice gift, a "get out of jail card free". OY!! I was going down a hill & had picked up some speed (54 MPH in a 35 MPH zone to be exact), and , of course, a police officer pulled me over. OY!! I have to be honest, I was tempted to try to fib my way out of the situation, but I just told the guy, "I am SO sorry, and I know it's no excuse, but I don't usually drive this fast!!" When he went into his car to check my record, the girls & I are were just praying that God would grant me mercy. I knew I deserved a ticket, but I, of course, don't want one & can't really afford 1. He was in there a L-O-N-G time, but he ended up just writing me a warning & telling me I could consider it a $190 birthday gift from him. I was SO appreciative & you can bet I didn't speed the whole rest of the day.

Isn't that a great example of the mercy God shows us? I deserved that ticket. I knew the speed limit, had no excuse, but I didn't get one. Heehee :)

On another note...goal #1: good still :) Goal #2: Not so good yesterday. It was my birthday & I went to 2 places where the main event was food. I didn't do terribly, but not so great, either.

On even another note: I am trying something else which has nothing to do with weight & more to do with health. I try not to complain about it often, because it really doesn't do any good, but I feel tired nearly every moment of my life & achy, etc.....I've tried various things over the years. The last time I started feeling really good & "normal" was when I had lost the weight last year, so it might have to do with just the extra weight. But, I am going to try to eliminate all gluten from my diet for a week & see if I feel any better. I've heard of people having different food intolerance's that were hard to detect, but made them feel similar to the way I do. Part of me feels like feeling crappy is just my cross to bear in life...part of me says there's something I can do about it & don't give up. Please pray for me in this, that God would reveal where the problem is & how to treat it. I am convinced that every day life for me is more difficult than God has intended. Either that or I am a big old hypochondriac....& considering I go to the doctor's once every 3 years, that's probably not the case. Long post. Oh well...have a good day. Enjoy the mercy & grace of God :) Dianna

Happy Birthday to me!!

It's my birthday. I'm old! 34! Ah, well....getting older doesn't bother me. Looking old does, but hey, what can I say? I have been doing well in my first goal. Now, I will go to goal #2: eating smaller portions. I actually had to give this second goal some thought. The Christmas season is, obviously, filled with numerous get-togethers, parties, special treats, etc.....NOT the ideal time to begin eating right again. So, I debated whether to try to set my next goal to be not eating past a certain time, or not eating until I'm REALLY hungry, etc.....but I figured this might be the most reasonable one considering the circumstances. This way, I can still enjoy my holidays while, hopefully, at least not GAINING any weight through it.

This "1 goal at a time" concept, as simple as it is, could actually work for me. My mind woke up at 5:30 today & when I checked the time, I SO wanted to stay cuddled up under the warm covers. But, I told myself: this is your only goal of the day. It really worked to get me out of bed & it's really just that initial action that gets me to exercise. I mean, what else am I gonna do at 5:30 in the morning?

Anyway, about my birthday....we celebrated it last night since Tony & I have our adoption class again tonight & won't all be together as a family until late. The girls wrote me stories. Very cute. And hubby painted me a nativity on rocks. Very cool & very unique. Bet you don't have 1.

God bless you all, Dianna

1 Goal at a Time

Day 3 of consistently waking up right away & exercising. It's tough, especially today, when I woke up at 5:30. But, hey, my sweet hubby wakes up at that time almost every day. And, not only did I exercise, but I also got something I really needed to get done done already. Now, I can feel like anything else I accomplish is a bonus. It's a simple idea, but it just might work: 1 Goal at a time. Apropos of nothing, it reminds me of an older lady who used to be on our worship team. We were goofing off at rehearsal once, singing silly songs & she started singing "One Toke over the Line, Sweet Jesus". We died laughing & had to explain to her what the song meant, because she thought it was just about taking another step with Jesus. Funny stuff. Old ladies singing about pot. Anywho, 1 goal at a time. Have a good day, Dianna

Thanksgiving Hang-Over

Well,

I think I ate an entire turkey this past week. I didn't exhibit much self-control, most assuredly. Oh well, today's a new day. Did my 3 mile walk today. Feeling ok about things. I have to admit my eating/exercise habits have not been at the forefront of my mind lately (probably why I haven't been achieving lots of success). I am thinking a lot about the adoption process we are going through. Now that we are nearing the end of our MAPP classes & finishing the home study process, it's all seeming a bit more real. Although it could take us forever to find a good match, it could be as soon as 2-3 months from now. I'm excited & like..."AAaaahhhh!!!!!" I'm thinking about how much my life will change. Which is fine, but scary, too. I am also thinking that I NEED to get organized. Our family life is largely unstructured because 1) we are homeschoolers and can be 2)my girls operate better without so much structure. It's SO much easier to teach them when they are their best rather than arbitrary times 3) I have NO discipline. It's truly amazing I get anything done at all. BUT, I'm thinking....adding another kid into the fray is going to change all that. What are the chances this little boy will sleep in until 8:30, like my girls usually do? Not likely!! I know it will all work out with time, but I keep thinking how much easier it would be to try to get organized NOW before he comes. I keep thinking about it, yet doing very little about it. Maybe I could just concentrate on 1 thing: Consistently getting up early. When I do get up early, I exercise & get a lot of housework done before the girls even wake up. I already feel like I've accomplished something, so I don't feel that sense of being overwhelmed with how much I need to get done. Yeah, that's what I'll try. 1 goal a time: Getting up early!! God bless, Dianna

Letting Others Influence Me

Hello,

I did my 3 mile walk today, which felt great (always does when I'm done), took a walk (COLD) Sunday afternoon & a short walk Thursday night. Not a great track record in that department, but I could have done worse. In the eating department...oy vay!!! Not so good! The hardest for me (& probably most people) is going to events where EVERYONE is pigging out, such as, just for instance, Sunday's Patriots game. Let's see, I had a normal sized breakfast, then at the game I ate: 1/2 sausage sub (would've eaten the whole one, but I wanted to make sure there was enough to go around), a whole slew of chips & dip, a sliver of a piece of pizza, a cookie & a hefty piece of pumpkin cheesecake. Then, at night, even though I wasn't even hungry, I ate a peanut butter English muffin, a tiny portion of pasta & 2 oatmeal cream Little Debbies. Oh, yeah...I also had a hot chocolate after our COLD walk. Granted, I don't typically eat THAT much in a day & I do think there are times you can splurge a bit, but jeez!!! Football games are far too frequent to eat like that. And, my justification (at the time was....the others were eating more than me---well, the boys were, at least). But, what kind of logic is that? I need to take care of my body. I'll be living in mine until I die, not theirs, so if they choose to stuff theirs, that's their problem. I can't let other people be my cause for 1) motivation or 2)lack of motivation. The motivation has to come from within & therein lies the problem....I've got none!!! Help me Lord!!

What's keeping you From god?

I haven't written in a while, which is typically a sign that I've not been doing well in the eating/exercising department. But, I've had a good few days & I did the 4 mile walk this morning, so I am happy with myself.

I went to the doctor's Thursday for my yearly physical (haha....every 3 years or so, for me) & all is well. He didn't even yell at me for being overweight, which was nice :) I fully expected him to & had my guard up. How silly. I know I need to lose weight, what difference does it make if a doctor tells me so or not? Actually, the fact that he didn't tell me to makes me more motivated to lose weight than if he had. How silly.

Anyway, the whole idea that I was so worried what this doctor I had never met before would say about my weight just confirms 2 things: 1) I care too much about what others think & not enough about what is right for me 2) I am tired of being insecure about my weight.

I just saw some pictures of me taken before I started putting back on the weight & I was actually smiling a genuine smile. I could so tell that i was legitimately happy & I really was so much happier. I've only gained about 10 pounds back, but the reality is I was eating right & taking care of myself. And, truthfully, I was feeling closer to God. The way I feel about dreading going to see the doctor when I am overweight is the same feeling I get about God sometimes, which is ridiculous. I know I'm not doing everything I should, so I hide. I mean, not completely....I still read my bible every day, pray, serve in ministry, etc.....but I have definitely felt my time alone with God has been suffering because I know I'm screwing up in this area. How sad...because, truthfully, He's the only one who can help me. And, He's there waiting for me. So, if there is anything keeping you from a closer relationship with Jesus, don't be a dope like me!!!! He loves us & He knows we're not perfect. He wants to help restore us in EVERY area of our lives. But, to get that help we need, we must first recognize that God HATES sin, but LOVES us. If we have accepted Christ as Saviour, He wants us to succeed. He's FOR us, not against us. We need to receive a revelation of how very much God loves us before we can succeed. Otherwise, we're just trying to be good, which never works for long. We need to submit every part of our lives to Christ & He will change us from the inside out...if we cooperate with His spirit. Now, time to take my own advice.

God bless, Dianna

Another 3 miles

Got up & walked again this morning with my pal, Leslie Sansone. Which is good. What is bad is I ate 1/2 a pan of butterscotch crunchies yesterday. Granted, it was a very small pan & they are one of my favorite foods (rice crispies, butterscotch chips & peanut butter), but still. Uggh!!! What a pig. Oh, well....today is a new day.

I was reading the Message this morning (a paraphrase of the bible) & this was SO meant for me: 2 Corinthians somewhere in chapter 6 (the Message doesn't give verse #s) : "You know the old saying, 'First you eat to live, and then you live to eat'? Well, it may be true that the body is a temporary thing, but that's no excuse for stuffing your body with food.......Since the Master honors you with a body, honor him with your body!"

I've said this before, but I think gluttony, laziness & those types of things are so overlooked as sins nowadays. We just kind of joke about them & commiserate with each other when we gain the extra pounds & let ourselves stay in front of the boobtube for hours. We obsess over the weight, but we don't feel badly enough about pigging out on a regular basis. Some days, if I'm honest, the amount of food my family eats really could feed a village. Yesterday, I was reading a small, local paper & it was saying our food pantry has gone from serving 20 people a month to 129 in the last month alone & are expected to see an increase when it gets even closer to winter. The girls & I rummaged through our cabinets & donated some things right then (before we forgot & our good intentions crumbled away). People in my neighborhood are going hungry & I am eating 1/2 a pan of very fattening & somewhat pricey sweets. I know there's a time for everything, including indulging. But, when I indulge every day, that just makes me a pig & an unhealthy one at that. And, really...if I cut back, I could help others more, which makes me so much happier in the long run.

I know all this...I believe it...why do I keep repeating these behaviors? God help me, Dianna

Back (again)

Well, I got up & did my 3 mile "Walk, Power Walk" today. It's amazing how quickly I can completely abandon all good habits. I really must learn to deal with stress better, because the reason I stopped (this time) is because I've been stressed out. I need to learn to take care of myself better. When things are stressful, isn't that exactly the time you should take care of yourself the most?

I am scheduled to see my Doctor this Friday for an annual check-up. In my case, it's more like every 3 years, since that's the last time I've even been to the doctor. In fact, I haven't even met this guy. We moved here 2 years ago & I've never even spoken to the man or seen his face. The only reason I'm going to see him is because I need a form filled out for the adoption process we are going through. He won't fill out the form saying I'm healthy because he has no idea who I am. Picky, picky...... Is there a link between my not wanting to ever go to the doctor's & eating too much/not exercising enough?? Any psychologists reading this thing? All I know is I have been given 1 body & I need to learn to take better care of myself. Not just for my own sake, but for the sake of all the people I love. Especially those who rely on me. They deserve a healthy mom. So, here I go again. Resolution #1,678,994 to eat better, exercise more & get fit for the race. 1 Corinthians 9:24 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize." The prize I'm searching for is to please Jesus. I can do that better if I start by valuing myself & not satisfying my flesh with hohos and dingdongs on a regular basis :)

God bless, Dianna

Still in the Fight

Hello,

I am bummed because I hurt my back Saturday & have not been able to do my aerobics yet, although I am feeling better bit by bit. Maybe tomorrow? I have not been totally inactive, however. Tony & I took a leisurely hike through Douglas State Forest Sunday after church (kind of funny, because we were not prepared & were still in church clothes & shoes). Then, we walked around Quabbin a bit on Monday. I took a short walk while the girls were at Gymnastics yesterday & hope to take a long walk tonight when hubby gets home. So, I'm at least still walking while I heal. Eating, on the other hand, could be better. Pot-luck on Sunday was not so great. I could have done worse, but truthfully, I was caught off guard & hadn't even prayed about it, so of course, I did what came naturally.....eat everything!!! Actually, I was among the last in line, so there wasn't everything left, but I ate a lot. The last two days have been OK, but not good. I definitely need to commit it to prayer A LOT more than I have been the last few days. This is actually a pretty stressful time for me & I feel pulled in too many directions, so it is hard to stay focused. But, I am determined to persevere & win at least some of the battles. Winning some of the time & staying in the fight is better than conceding & losing them all, right?

God bless, Dianna

Gilad

Well...I just finished 45 minutes of torture with Gilad. Does anyone remember him? I think he was pretty big in the 90s. Tony & I used to do his TV work-outs sometimes in college in his mom's living room; which is a funny memory. A tiny living room with too much furniture & 2 clumsy kids trying to do aerobics. Heehee. Well, today was funny in a different way...in a pathetic way. But I did it! I'll not lie & say I did it 100 % full steam--I modified it a bit during the last 2 segments. But, it's a more strenuous work-out than I'm used to, which I need once in a while. It feels good knowing I can even mostly do it. At least not in as bad of shape as I was when I first started this process last November. I have been still walking a few days a week during my "interlude", which is much better, of course, than no exercise at all. Not just for weight, but for health in general.

It was brutal getting out of bed this morning. I had a tough day mentally yesterday & spent a good part of the afternoon/evening in bed watching Upstairs, Downstairs (OLD British series) & was in quite a funk, which carried over to waking up. BUT, I forced myself to get up & I'm glad I did. I feel pretty good right now. I really do have to wonder sometimes if I have a real chemical/hormonal imbalance or something. Anyway, the reason I say that is because I took a long walk yesterday, which was nice, but it always seems like I need a real work-out....ie raising my heart rate to actually feel better. Who knows, it could just be coincidence. But, I also remember that when I was really "on the wagon", whenever I felt that awful slump in the afternoon, I would do a quick jog around the house or something & it really seemed to help. Maybe I'll start trying that again & see what happens. It's hard, though, because when you feel tired & run down, the last thing you want to do is a bit of exercise.

Anyway, enough babbling. Jane, in answer to your question about what you "signed on" for?? I don't know...that has to be up to you, of course & what you feel you should aim for. As for me, I am trying to 1) Exercise...(.seems to be what I need to make the other things effective) 2)Eat when I'm hungry only 3)Eat fairly healthy foods most of the time 4)Eat sweets/junk in moderation 5) Drink plenty of water 6) Blog, bevause even if it's only you reading it, it still helps me to know someone might be & to process my own thoughts/keep me focused. It's not anything drastic or revolutionary, but I know it works & I can do it if I 7) most important...lift it up before God every day. That I would find the balance of finding pleasure in eating, but not looking for my joy or comfort in it, which can only come from God.

I'll be praying for you. Love, Dianna

I Think I'll Go For a Walk Outside, Now

Hello, people!

I lost 3 pounds!! Woohoo!! Very excited & back on track. 7 more pounds & I'll be right back to where I started from at the beginning of the summer. Oh, well....at least the #s are heading in the right direction. I just took a long walk around the lake near my house & I'm pooped, but it felt good to get outside. Ya know, even though I live in the boondocks, there's quite a few people around me, but they must all be hermits, because in all the walks I've taken over the last 2 years, I've only met a handful of people.

Anyway....last night at my small group, my friend made some chocolate chip cookies to share. They looked yummy & last week, I would eaten 3 or 4, but I had already had a treat & so I didn't. The exciting part is it wasn't even a struggle, really. I remember that happening when I was really committed to this thing months ago. That many times, the temptations had no power & I can only attribute that to God. I mean, I always pray, but this time & months ago (before I fell off the wagon) I am & was really submitting my will to God & totally trusting that He will overcome for me. In me. Through me. Because, I have proven to myself time & time I again that I have absolutely NO WILL-POWER. But, the good news is; I don't have to. All I have to do is remain in Jesus & He will do the work for me. I just have to cooperate with Him.:

John 15:4-5 (Jesus said) "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

Self-control is one of the fruits of the spirit. I can't just try REALLY hard to produce this fruit...it doesn't work! I need to remain in Him & submit my thoughts & actions to Him & He will develop this fruit (&others) in me. Cool, huh?

Now, go take a walk. God bless, Dianna

Football games are evil

Howdy,

Another day of waking up & exercising :) I ate pretty well today & yesterday, too. Not on Sunday, though. I went to my sister's house for the Patriots game & ate too much because there was lots of yummy things to eat. I didn't completely go crazy, though. I could have (&have) done much worse. Then again, I could have done much better. The important thing is I got back on the wagon & started right again on Monday, so that's all I can do, right?

Another goal of mine is to try to eat tiny meals more frequently. When I eat a regular-sized breakfast; I am typically not hungry again until dinner & I really don't want to eat unless I'm hungry. But, if I go that long between meals, I find I get a bit shaky & discombobulated. Is that a real word? I actually think I might have hypoglycemia or whatever that is where your blood sugar dips dramatically. Because, I will be walking around full of energy one moment & need to lay down the next. Oh well, it's not like I'm going to get it checked out or anything, because that would require seeing a doctor, which is not likely to happen.

Anyway, I am happy with my progress so far. Jane....welcome to the wagon. The next time I don't want to finish my soda, I will cover it with saran wrap. Then, I will bring it to you as a present. Then, I won't be wasting it. Heehee. What can I say? I'm weird.

God bless, go do some jumpin' jacks, Dianna

Waking up is hard to do

Well.....the excitement & energy I felt yesterday at jumping out of bed didn't apply today, but....I got out of bed anyway after a bit of an internal struggle. Picture the old Disney cartoon with the angel with a halo on one shoulder & the devil with the pitchfork on the other. Thankfully, the angel won. I added a mile today; doing Leslie Sansone's 4 mile walk. I feel pretty good about that. I ate pretty well yesterday, although I could have eaten a bit less at dinner. I made a new recipe for Butternut squash soup which I personally thought was fantastic. So, I had that with salad & garlic bread. I ate a bit more than I needed, but I didn't pig out, had a small dessert & no snacks after dinner. However, I made the dumb move of having a caffeine free diet coke after dinner, which I didn't finish until 8:00, which probably contributed to my poor sleep last night :( How quickly I forget that I can't drink anything at night!!! I was too cheap to not finish it, how ridiculous is that? What's even more ridiculous is that I got the soda for free in the first place. Haha. Oh, well.....

I had a bit of a tough afternoon/evening yesterday. My youngest daughter (8 1/2) has been ultra emotional, quickly angered & ungrateful lately & we had a blow out about something she thought was unfair. Neither one of us handled it well, but she's 8, so she was over it in minutes while I felt guilty about it all night long. I asked her forgiveness, which she gave, and I know Jesus always forgives us when we are truly repentant, but sometimes I have difficulty forgiving myself. The reason I mention it is that I am happy I didn't turn to food for comfort, but sad because I spent most of the evening plopped in front of the TV instead of the million things I could have been doing. Part of my whole weight loss goal needs to be to learn to manage stress properly, because often it is the food that I go to, which is not good. Oh, well.....I will figure it out someday. That's my new motto. God bless you, Dianna