HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Day #9 & 10:

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! Today was by FAR my hardest day so far, but I am really happy with how I did. I purposely had just 1 piece of toast for breakfast. I would have skipped it all together, but my tummy was growling. I munched a few olives before lunch & ate small portions of my favorite dishes. I skipped the mashed potatoes, corn & rolls altogether, because I figured I make those all the time. Then, I waited a few hours & had 2 small pieces of pie for dinner. That's still quite a bit of food, but, no lie, I would usually eat 3 times that amount, no problem. A typical Thanksgiving for me would mean stuffing myself to the point of no return & then having a bit more. Any Monty Python fans out there? I was always Mr. Creosote on Thanksgiving with the wafer thin mint.

I also did the 4-mile walk work-out this morning, a short walk with the family right after lunch & another when I got home. I'm exhausted :) Is it possible for someone who always hated exercise to get addicted to it? It actually feels really good.

So, I did well, but I have to say, it was sooooo...hard!!!! Oh my goodness, maybe I didn't pray enough? Thank goodness for my amazing husband. After I had the pie, I really wanted another piece, so I pulled him aside & asked him to pray for me. It's so hard watching everyone else eat what they want. I really felt like I was missing out. How ridiculous. I had plenty of food. And now, I have tons of left-overs so i won't have to cook for a while. Now, though, I am SO happy I didn't give into the temptation. Every time I have failed in the past, it just made it so much harder the next time. Anyway, Thanksgiving #2 is tomorrow at my sister's & I am committing to pray more for strength. That I not only wouldn't give into the temptation, but that i wouldn't even be tempted. That I wouldn't have the desire to be a piggie. Especially with all the left-overs, I can eat more again the next day. Because food is good....gluttony is bad.

Love you all, Dianna

The Unrepentant Dog

Day #8:

My dog, Rocky (golden retriever) is the dumbest thing ever to have walked on 4 legs. He can be very sweet & affectionate; my husband & oldest daughter love him. I tolerate him & make sure he is fed & gets his shots. Although he is dumber than the average dog, he still has much to teach me. The latest "lesson from Rocky" is about disobedience & unrepentance. Rocky's home is in our finished (mostly) basement. He would get free run of the house if he ever learned not to destroy toys & tear the stuffing out of stuffed animals. Don't feel too bad for the guy, there's plenty of space, it's nice in cozy in the winter due to the pellet stove & he gets a good amount of company because the tv and computer are down here. If you ask Rocky what the best part of the basement is, though, he would surely tell you it's the couch. Every time I leave the room for more than a few minutes, he jumps up on the couch. If I remember to prop the cushions in a sort of tepee fashion & blockade the couch, there's a chance he won't, but training my girls to do that has been as successful as training the dog not to jump on the couch. Why is this a problem, you ask? He smells for one, and he sheds a new dog every day. (We had bought him a dog bed for $60, by the way, but he ate that, too)

So, what does this have to do with repentance? The dog doesn't know the meaning. I catch him every time, he slithers off the couch & gives me the "I'm sorry, but aren't I still cute?" look & hides his face in his paws, to which I reply, "you stink" & sigh a heaving sigh. I used to yell & scream & call him a bad dog, tap his butt and shout threats I knew I'd never keep. Now, I just sigh my defeated sigh & try to comb some of the hair of the cushions & prop them up again. The truth of the matter is, Rocky uses the couch downstairs more than the humans do, he doesn't plan on stopping any time soon & will continue to plan his next couch nap even as he declares with his puppy dog eyes that he is sorry. He's not. Don't we do that with God sometimes? If we're truthful, I think we all would admit we have at one time or another. Some of us daily. Yes, God is a God of grace & mercy & forgiveness & love. He loves us so much He sent His one & only Son to die on the cross so we may have forgiveness of sins. His mercies are new every day & when we truly seek His forgiveness, He not only forgives, but forgets them. BUT!!! We can't abuse that grace & keep sinning (by overindulging or any area of our lives). True repentance isn't saying "I'm sorry"...it goes so much deeper. If He convicts us that we are sinning in any way, we MUST act on it, repent & change our ways.

I'm thinking ahead to Thanksgiving. Normally, I wouldn't even consider what my eating habits would be...total pig out!!! But, now I'm thinking, if I do, that's saying, "God, I'm going to obey you this day & maybe this day, but not this one". It would me be saying sorry, but knowing full well I plan on doing it when no one will be looking, or when everyone else will be doing it, or when it will be socially acceptable. The Lord has convicted my heart that gluttony is sin, so I feel like I just can't do it. Ever. So, I will be praying for the strength to eat a little bit of my favorite foods & stop when I'm full. There's no way I'm giving up my pumpkin pie, but I don't have to. I just can't eat the whole thing. I'm either going to choose the obedient life, or I'm not. I know God will forgive me if I fail, but I know that, since I have given it over to Him, He can win this victory for me. If I choose to "let go" and pig out on Thanksgiving, what will stop me from the next day? (thanksgiving #2 at my folks') & Christmas & all the parties that go with it & birthdays & dinners out & pot-lucks & Valentine's day, etc....there's always another excuse to overindulge.

Has God laid it on your heart to stop doing something, or start? Anything He calls you to do, He will give you the power to achieve it. Enlist the help of other positive people (not the ones who will try to talk you out of it, or tell you you're fine the way you are). Talk to a pastor or someone you trust. Ask them to hold you accountable. You can do it!! God bless, Dianna

What's your Excuse????

Day #7:

Well, I am happy to say I surpassed my goals for the first week of my challenge. My goals for the following week are the same as the last, plus trying to eat more slowly. I made a soup for dinner tonight with some yummy bread. Typically, I could easily eat 2-3 bowls & 2 pieces of bread. Tonight, I ate 1 piece of bread & 1 1/2 bowls of soup. Right after I finished the soup, I realized I would have been full after 1. I wasn't stuffed to the gills, but if I had eaten more slowly, my body would have had time to tell my brain it was already full & didn't need more. It's just so odd; I have to learn how to listen to those signals, because I really have never learned. Most of my life, I have just eaten whatever I want, whether I was full or not. Or the opposite, which was eating so little I was always hungry. My aim is to eat enough & not more than I need. It's very surprising for me to learn I really don't need all that much food. Today, I had a 1 egg omelet with some peppers & a tiny bit of left-over steak & coffee for breakfast, an apple, cottage cheese & almonds for lunch, a banana for a snack & what I just described for dinner. Compared to what I am used to eating, that is not much. And, like I said, if I had been more sensitive to my bodies' signals, I could have eaten less. No problem, though....I am learning.

The exercising is going much easier. It has taken me less time to start that habit than I would have thought. Probably because I am mentally & spiritually ready for it this time, unlike so many other times I have tried to do it in my own strength. It actually feels good & is helping me sleep a bit better & helping my state of mind. I was thinking about what is different this time & why I am so confident that this is it!!! This is the time!!! There are many reasons, one of which is I have come face to face that all my "reasons" were flimsy excuses for me being a lazy butt. Here have been some of my many, many, excuses:

1) I have asthma, so I can't exercise as easily as most people. True, but this walking program I'm doing is totally doable & still a great work-out. 2) I'm soooo...busy. I homeschool, I'm busy in the ministry, etc..... Who isn't busy? If I can find time to watch an hour of TV every night before bed, I can make the time to exercise. 3) I HATE to exercise.....That's really just my attitude. Once I get past the initial chore of getting out of bed, it's ok. 4) I've been this height since I was 11...there's nowhere to go but out. Oh, that's just silly. 5) I've tried so many times & failed. Yes, but this time I'm fully giving it over to the Lord rather than trying to exert my own will. 6) My husband still finds me attractive & my girls think I'm beautiful. Well, thank God for people who love me no matter what, but pleasing God is more important than pleasing any man (even hubby) & I really doubt Tony will be crying as my flabby behind starts to shrink :) After all, he did fall in love with me when I was at my thinnest. 7) People shouldn't judge me by my looks. True, but they do & I never want anything stand in the way of an opportunity to be a witness for Christ. And, anyway, I judge my own self & I know this is not the body God wants me to have. 8) Food is too good to give up. RIGHT!! But, who asks us to? It's all about not overindulging & not living to satisfy the desires of our flesh. I'm sure I have used many more excuses, but that's all I can think of. Life is full of choices. I know I haven't done myself any favors when I've tried to justify my actions to myself...in this area & many others. We choose to be happy or sad. We choose to laugh or get angry. We choose to love or hate. We choose to accept Jesus as our savior, or reject Him. I have chosen to let myself be defeated. Now, I choose a victorious life.

So...what's your excuse? Love you all...keep reading & posting. You are all a blessing to me. Love in Christ, Dianna

God made food....and it was good

Day #5 & 6:

Hello again :) Yesterday was the first Saturday of my life I can remember getting up early to exercise. I had actually planned on sleeping in a little (what I do on a typical Saturday), but my internal clock woke me up early anyway, so I decided to do something positive rather than laze around in bed. I felt pretty good about that. I did the same today. Yesterday, I went to a great Financial Freedom Seminar at my church & one of the activities was to write down any goal & list smaller steps that we can take to achieve that. I gave that alot of thought pertaining weight loss. It would be the natural thing for me to say, I want to lose x pounds by such-a-such a date. For me, it would only serve to lead me back to the wrong focus concerning weight loss. In fact, I need to not focus on weight loss at all. Huh? Than, why did I label this a weight loss blog? Well, I am hopeful that losing weight will be a natural by-product of my other behaviors.

I have done weight watchers, Atkins, low-fat, vegetarian, slim fast, just plain not eating, my on-again, off-again bouts with bulemia, etc.....they all "worked" to some extent or another. But, for me, they all caused me to focus MORE on the food than ever before. I simply thought about points & portion sizes & what foods were "good" and which foods were "bad". Obviously, there are some foods that are "healthier" than others. To me, it doesn't take a genius to see a peice of toast is a healthier breakfast option than a twinkie. However, as to all the rest of it: GOD MADE IT!!!! God cannot make anything BAD. The "Experts" throughout the years have labeled almost every food "healthy" or "unhealthy" at one time or another. They all disagree. They are all trying (successfully) to convince us all that we need to follow man-made rules about eating. If they know so much, by the way, why is obesity a national epidemic? Why does the average weight charts keep expanding every year? Why are people still clogging up their arteries? It reminds me so much of the Judaizers who were trying to convince the new Christians to go back to living under the law rather than the freedom they had receieved in their relationship with Christ. Food is good. God created it for us --not only to sustain us, but for us to enjoy it & to use it as a social part of our lives. If not, why would He have created such a wide variety, with so many beautiful colors, textures, smells, tastes, etc....& why would He make mention of laying a table for us in Heaven? God made food good. We have polluted it with our own imposed rules of what we can & cannot eat & in what order. And, people have made millions out of our belief in

this. It's all good. In moderation.

Food good......gluttony, or eating beyond the point of fullness is bad. Eating when we are hungry....good & common sense.....eating out of boredom, loneliness, stress....bad. We need to turn to Him for our problems. His grace is sufficient for us!! Enjoying the food that God created is good......making it a top priority in our lives & thinking about it frequently....NOT good. He wants our thoughts & hearts on Him, not food, or anything else. Thanking Him for variety....good. Calling what He created for us bad.... Bad. Wanting to look skinny, or sexy, like this actress or that model... or whatever....pride, vanity, bad. God created us all according to His perfect design. He loves us as individuals. He could have made us cookie-cutters, but He chose to make us unique. Trying to take care of the only body God will ever give me....the one He wants to dwell in as His temple....good. I am saying all this because I believe it's in line with God's word & character & also to retrain myself. There is still a part of me that wants to slap that # goal on the paper & say to myself, "If I achieve this goal, I will be successful". But, if I do, and even if I reach it, I will be defining success by the world's terms, or by my own flesh. I've done that. Been there. Not going back. I want to live my life....every area of my life for Him, for His glory, in obedience to His commands. I would be lying to say I don't want to lose weight. I'm sick of being fat & teetering towards the larger side of the store. I'm tired of being embarassed about my weight. But, my #1 goal has to be obedience & I am trusting in Him to take care of the pounds for me (I've lost 3, by the way :) The obedient life is filled with better blessings than we could ever "earn" or achieve on our own. My God can do anything but fail, so I'm letting Him fight this battle for me. Have a lovely day....hope I didn't p---- off any of you Atkin, weight watcher, slim fast, south beach, etc....advocates. I'm just expressesing my view. That's my plan & I'm stickin' to it.

God bless, keep reading. I TRULY appreciate all the comments. (Kris, I get the pix from google images) If you post your goals, I will commit to praying for you.

The Love of Christ to you all, Dianna

Be Still and Know that I am....BORED????

Day #4:

Hello lovely people. Yet another good day. I increased my exercise & am feeling it a bit, but am not too sore. I tried something revolutionary (to me) today: wait to eat until I am actually hungry. Hhmmmmm....there's a novel idea? Typically, I would wake up (7:30-8:00ish), make the kids breakfast, have a coffee & bagel or something while I check my e-mail whether I'm hungry or not. The kids are usually hungry by 11:00, because they grow a foot a day (well, my oldest does...she oughta play basketball). Again, whether I'm hungry or not, I tend to eat with them, or at least at the same time. We all eat dinner together nightly, because I think it's important, but I tend to run away from the kids at breakfast or lunch. Heehee. Maybe other stay-at-home moms or dads can relate? I love my kids, but I do need my mommy time, or else I become grouchy mommy. And then, I usually have dinner on the table when hubby comes home from work, around 5 ish. Again, I eat whether I am hungry or not. That, of course, doesn't include the afternoon snack (s) or the dessert I tend to have (by myself) after the kids have gone to bed. Oh NO!!!! I think I am a closet food-a-holic!! Many times at a function, if I'm trying to be "good", I won't have dessert, because I know I'll still want it later. How silly is that?

Anyway, so I determined to not eat until I actually felt physical hunger. I ate a normal breakfast at 9:30, lunch at 2:00 & I still (6:30) haven't eaten dinner (though I fed my family, which was kind of weird...I did sit with them, though). I was all prepared for those temptations to come & praise God, they were easily managed with a few "bullet prayers" throughout the day. But, here's the problem: I was so BORED!!!! I did what I do on a typical Friday (taught the girls, cleaned the house a bit, started preparing my bible study for the best small group ever :) and other duties), but I had a lot more free time on my hands than normal & I really didn't know what the heck to do with myself. That may not seem like a problem to anyone else, but to me that shows that 1) I often turned to food just to DO something & 2) I don't know how to be still. This is not a surprise to me, really. I've always been a restless spirit, but it's kind of pathetic, too. No wonder I am typically all stressed out....I don't know how to relax. I need to learn how to: "Be still and know that I am God."

http://www.christiancourier.com/articles/read/be_still_and_know_that_i_am_god

I love to praise the Lord, I love to read His word, I spend time in prayer, for myself & others, but I have still never really learned to just "be still" with the Lord. My mind is always racing 1,000 miles an hour & every time I try, the most ridiculous things pop into my head. Everything from what I need to do next week, to the answer to a trivia game I played last week (I get those answers in my sleep, too...very helpful). So, I guess that's something else I need to work on. I could certainly use my wonderful husband as a role model for this area: he'll just be sitting in the chair & I'll ask, "what are you thinking about?" and he'll reply, "nothing" & mean it!!! Oh, how I would love to sit and think about nothing. Really.

God bless you all, Dianna

Repentance

Day #3:

Good day :) Thank you to my wonderful friends reading & leaving me encouraging messages. Just thinking someone might read this helps hold me accountable & I know I'm not alone in this struggle. I have already met one of my goals for the week: to exercise 3 times this week. Praise God, I did it!!! But, I am still getting up tomorrow to "Walk, Power Walk" (Leslie Sansone) because it will be easier to keep the habit if I don't stop. I love her stuff because it's so simple (no difficult moves to follow), but I should get some more DVDs, because it does get pretty boring. On the other hand, I can kind of zone out during them & pray while I work out, so maybe boring's not a bad thing sometimes. Anybody have any suggestions for work-out DVDs? I need low impact & no silly dance moves (I'm not too coordinated).

I was listening to a tape today about repentance that really got me thinking. What is repentance? I found this on Wikipedia: "a change of mind accompanied by regret and change of conduct, 'change of mind and heart', or, 'change of consciousness'. " I was thinking, if I really think my eating habits are often sinful (which I do), then I really need to repent from my behavior if I expect God to help me. I have prayed so many times for God to give me strength to overcome my bondage to food, yet many of those times, even as I was praying, my flesh was fighting against it. Ever had an experience like that? I always chalked it up to lack of faith, but maybe it goes deeper? I don't think I really had a repentant heart about it. "A change of mind accompanied by regret..." I certainly regretted getting fat & letting things get out of control, but did I really have a contrite heart about it? "...change of conduct..." Always...for a little while. "...change of mind and heart..."....no, not really. Even when I was "being good", I always felt bad for myself, that I was missing out. My heart still was with the food. Anyway, so I turned off the tape & cried out to God. I don't mean..."Dear God, please forgive me & help me..." I mean, I CRIED out to God & wept & really understood that my behavior in this area has not only grieved me, but it grieves Him. I repented for all the times I turned to food instead of to Him; for using food as an idol. No more---I'm done. I really feel that this time is for real.

All righty then. God bless & keep you all, Dianna

Gluttony

Day #2:

Today went well. I excercised, ate well :) I was craving something sweet, so I was going to have a yogurt, but when I compared labels, I realized there was as much calories & fat in a serving of ice cream, and the yogurt didn't have much more nutrition. Maybe I ough to check the yogurt labels a bit better before I buy more. Anyway, I opted for a serving of ice cream. Haha!! I usually eat about 6 times that amount, easily. Oh, well...it was yummy & actually satisfied my craving. On the idea of being realistic (for once) I need to be proactive & find sweets that are low calories & still yummy. Part of the many reasons I have failed at this quest for weight loss so many times is because I tend to do all or nothing, which always backfires. Moderation is good. Gluttony is bad.

Speaking of gluttony, what is it? A friend asked me that tonight (hi Jane) & I tried to look into it a bit better. Didn't find much of a biblical definition, although it seems to be related to drinking to excess. The bible says gluttony can lead to poverty & I think it can be used to describe overindulgence in many different areas, not just food. All I know, is I am addicted to food & have been all my life, even when I was somewhat skinny. The only time I have not obsessed over food was when I first went cold-turkey and gave up sugar entirely. Food didn't have the same physical hold over me. BUT...I really didn't lose any weight & after the initial process, I didn't really feel better or have more energy, so what's the point? I did at first, but I think that was because I wanted it so badly. Eating out anywhere was nearly impossible, because there's sugar in everything. I need to do something I can stick with. I need to change the focus of my thoughts & turn to Jesus EVERY time I am tempted to overeat or shirk off from excercise.

I found this definition for addiction: "Addiction is bondage to the rule of a substance, activity, or state of mind, which then becomes the center of life, defending itself from the truth so that even bad consequences don't bring repentance, and leading to further estrangement from God." http://www.americaskeswick.org/addiction/trfood.shtml I can't say I spend every minute thinking about food, because I don't. But I am guilty of turning to the cookie jar first when I am sad or lonely, bored, mad, even happy. I need to break the cycle of turning to anything for comfort other than the Lord. From the same web-site, I found this: "When you are tempted to overeat, choose to be satisfied in Christ alone. Romans 13:14, 'But put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.' This is in no way an excuse for my indulgences, but we live in a culture that encourages us to satisfy our flesh NOW. Don't have $$? Put it on the credit card. Have a craving? Indulge. I think it's ok to indulge occassionally, but not as a way of life.

Ok...I'm tired. Hopefully, these new habits will also help me to sleep better. AAhhh...lack of sleep connected to lack of weight loss...another topic for another blog.

Til tomorrow, Dianna