BLAH

Well, I have been feeling yucky the last week or so. Have a weird cold/bug/who knows what that's still lingering. I haven't exercised in a week & am afraid that will register on the scale, but I really feel I need to keep resting as much as I can. And now, of course, my house is a pig sty, so any "extra" energy needs to be directed towards that trash heap. Oh where, oh where has my little maid gone? Or where oh where can she be?

I'm eating ok, but not great. I hope I'll be able to get back in the full swing of things when I'm 100%. God bless, Dianna

The Cycle is Broken

No cookies for 2 days. Yeehaw!! No sweets at all, actually. Today wasn't even difficult because I spent most of the day playing with my new toy (my flute). It's difficult, but I am learning. Life is good, nothing much to say. God bless, Dianna

If at First You Don't Succeed....

Guess what? I ate the cookies. Boo! Hiss! I even put the post it notes on there & my hubby reminded me of my own phrase "It's not worth it" & I said, "I know, but I need something, I've had a stressful day". See, it doesn't really bother me that I have sweets, it all boils down to WHY I have them (&how often). Yesterday, I had home school co-op & then my kids talked me into going to the library because some home schoolers were going to be there, so I did even though I was already exhausted. I love people & I am not anti-social, but I being in large groups of people (especially kids) drains me emotionally, mentally & physically. I can literally feel all my reserves draining. I've always been that way. I enjoy being around people, but then I NEED alone time or I'm running on fumes. Anyway, so at the library, the librarian tells my youngest (7), there's a book on hold for us upstairs, so she goes up there to get it. By herself. Without telling me. So, I freaked out & was running around calling her name, thinking she's been kid-napped or something. Arrggh!! Anyway, so I was stressed out & I had to make supper & get ready for rehearsal (which went awesome...Jane, you rock!) & so I had 2 stupid Chips Ahoy. And, actually, I had already had a cookie at co-op earlier :( I CAN'T fall back into the horrible habit of having food when I am sad/stressed/angry/tired/bored/lonely/celebrating etc.... I need to turn to the Lord in all of those instances. Food only helps for a half a minute anyway & then I'm stuck with the guilt. Blah, blah. I need to remember what Jesus told the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4:13-14:

" 'Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.' "

It's the same for food. If I look for comfort or stress relief from food, I will always have to go back to it because it never truly satisfies. It's head hunger, not real hunger.

The good news is I've lost 30 pounds!! Woohoo!! I will NOT EAT SWEETS TODAY!!!!! Lord, give me strength!! Love you all, Dianna

C is for Cookie

Well, I'm still doing OK. I took 2 days off of exercising (I blame hubby-BB- for throwing off my schedule yesterday. He was home because of MLKJ day. ) It's not really his fault, but I can still try. It's odd, because I feel guilty when I take a day or two off from exercising. I guess I still fear that I will revert back to old habits. But I got back on schedule today, so that's good.

I am still feeling like I need to stop eating sweets so often. I'm only having a bit every day, but?? It's just become a habit lately & I am eating 2 cookies or so every day...even the ones I don't even particularly love. I need to be more discriminating with my sweets, I think. Maybe if I make a rule for myself that I will only eat the sweets I really love or when I'm really craving them. I've not been "jones-ing" for them, but I've been eating them anyway. Last week it was Keebler chocolate covered grahams & this week it's been Chips Ahoy. They're OK, but it's not like cheesecake or Lindt chocolate or something. I can resist them if I ask God to give me the fruit of self-control. I'm going to go put a post-it on them that says, "Not worth it". Is that too crazy? Oh, well...who's gonna see it? Maybe my natural cheapness can work to my advantage. The less cookies eat, the less I will spend on cookies.

Leah, good job exercising. Your last comment to me is both flattering & scary. That anyone would look to me for anything is quite bizarre. I hope I don't steer you wrong. Jane, how goes your battle? Love you all. God bless, Dianna

Another Piece of the Puzzle

So, my mental state is much improved the last few days, thankfully. If there happen to be any men readers, my sincere apologies for this comment, but I swear I sometimes have PMS for like 2 weeks. I need to research natural remedies for crankiness or something. Oh, well...I am feeling 99% sane & that's good for me :)

I have gotten into a bit of a routine lately (eating wise) which is good & bad. Good in the sense that I've added some healthy elements to my routine--namely exercising & waiting until I'm hungry before I eat. But also bad because I am not paying as much attention to how MUCH I'm eating. I think this is because I'm just not thinking about it & praying about it as much as when I first started. So, I'm just eating my portion & not really paying that much attention to when I'm starting to get full. I'm still not over stuffing myself, but I know if I was eating slower & more prayerfully, I would be more aware of when I'm starting to get full & stop sooner than I am. Part of me feels like I've worked very hard to lose this weight (29 POUNDS!!) & so I kind of deserve to stop working at it so much & thinking about it so much, but in reality I'm not where I want to be yet & I have to keep working until ALL habits become second nature to me & not just some.

BUT....at least some habits are becoming second nature. I really don't have to lay in bed & debate with myself whether or not I'm going to get up & exercise. I just do it. And, I don't have to argue with myself when I should eat. I eat when I'm hungry. The only time this is an issue for me is when I'm at a special function & then I need to plan around it to make sure I'm hungry when the event happens.

Eating smaller portions more often is not going to work for me, I don't think. At least not at this point. It just provides more temptations than I feel like dealing with. It's far easier for me to accept I'm only going to eat twice a day( which is how often I get hungry) than trying to eat such a small portion each time in order to BE hungry more often. It was just frustrating me, so I'm not going to concentrate on that. My energy dips probably had more to do with my stinky attitude anyway, because I had been fine before that & am fine again now. Being stressed out is NOT good for your health. Why do I let myself fall into the same traps? I know better. Silly, silly woman.

Eating slowly is SO HARD!!!! Because I'm not giving it enough weight. Meaning, I'm not spending enough time/energy/ attention towards developing this habit. I've got to figure this out, because I know it's a big piece of the puzzle for me. It will help me eat less, it's better for digestion, I'll actually enjoy the food more. GOTTA do it!! Love you all, have a blessed day, Dianna

Many parts

I'm in a better mood today (&yesterday). My little "shut-in" did me good. I've slept fairly well the last two nights, too, so I'm sure that's helped. My new DVD came & I've done it the last 2 days....another Leslie Sansone--Walk Slim. It's 4 miles, but she does intervals of jogging & more intense moves, but it's still doable for me. I like them. It's nice to just have something different. My eating has been OK, but I think I really need to pay better attention, because I'm letting little things slip here & there & I don't want to go back to my old habits. I am afraid that I'm hitting a plateau. I've lost 28 pounds & I'm happy about that, but I would still love to lose a lot more. Ultimately, for me, it is about viewing food & exercise differently & being obedient to the Lord in these areas, but I still do want to lose weight, of course. Part of me says to just keep concentrating on the inner stuff & the rest will continue to happen, but part of me thinks I might need a goal at this stage to keep me focused. It's easy to just say, "Well, I'm not as big as I was", and let things slip, but I don't want to do that. Another part of me knows if I set an actual goal, I will focus more on the #s on the scale & try to achieve it any way I can rather than doing it the right way. I know, I know...how many "parts" do I have? Many, many, many. Some complex, most just boring :) OK...so, I just convinced myself I need to just keep concentrating on the "inner" work & the outer results WILL happen.

I still have not managed to achieve my two goals of eating smaller portions & to slow down. So, today I am concentrating on just 1....smaller portions. I had 1 piece of toast today for breakfast instead of my normal 2. So, I'm off to a good start. Zechariah 4:10 says, "Who despises the day of small things?" God bless, Dianna P.S. Jane...where are your blogs?

Roller Coaster

I'm not lacking for metaphors these days, it seems. My life just feels like a roller coaster lately. I'm happy as pie one minute, then I'm crashing down the next. Winter tends to be my hardest time (like most people, I think)--lack of sunlight, shorter days, yadda yadda. Although it's felt like spring lately. Anyway, I'm just terribly moody & having a hard time focusing. Well, focusing on things I'm supposed to be focusing on, anyway. And I'm ready to sell the children again.

Eating wise, I've been doing ok...not great, but ok. Friday night I went to a resource sharing night for the home school group I'm in & there were lots of goodies there. I didn't eat dinner before I went & I didn't stuff myself, but I certainly ate more than I should have & I knew it & didn't really even fight it, to be honest. I was having this inner dialogue with myself....reminds me of the old cartoons where there's an angel on one shoulder & a devil on the other. My excuses were lame. Like I said, I didn't go crazy & I wasn't ready to pop, but I ate more than I needed. BOO!!

Yesterday, I went out to lunch with my sister & a friend. Again, I did ok, but not great. I had the salad bar. The first plate should have been enough, but I went back for a little more (that I didn't need). Again, I didn't stuff myself, but I should have just stopped at that 1 plate. I justified myself in both cases by comparing what the other ladies ate, but what do I care what they ate? What they eat or don't eat isn't going to help ME lose weight, right?

Oh well. I REALLY think I need to just stop long enough to get my head on straight. 99% of my problems stem from my own brain & lack of a positive attitude. I can blame it on lack of sleep, kids being monsters, winter, etc....but the reality is it is my CHOICE whether I am happy or not. It's my CHOICE whether I get up early to exercise or not. It's my CHOICE whether I am obedient or not. It really is as simple as that. Making excuses is not going to get me anywhere. I need to seek God's face until I get a break through in my attitude. So, I'm going to threaten the children with more chores if they interrupt me & lock myself in my room until I get sane again. If I don't come out in a week or so, send in the National Guard. God bless, Dianna