Letting Others Influence Me

Hello,

I did my 3 mile walk today, which felt great (always does when I'm done), took a walk (COLD) Sunday afternoon & a short walk Thursday night. Not a great track record in that department, but I could have done worse. In the eating department...oy vay!!! Not so good! The hardest for me (& probably most people) is going to events where EVERYONE is pigging out, such as, just for instance, Sunday's Patriots game. Let's see, I had a normal sized breakfast, then at the game I ate: 1/2 sausage sub (would've eaten the whole one, but I wanted to make sure there was enough to go around), a whole slew of chips & dip, a sliver of a piece of pizza, a cookie & a hefty piece of pumpkin cheesecake. Then, at night, even though I wasn't even hungry, I ate a peanut butter English muffin, a tiny portion of pasta & 2 oatmeal cream Little Debbies. Oh, yeah...I also had a hot chocolate after our COLD walk. Granted, I don't typically eat THAT much in a day & I do think there are times you can splurge a bit, but jeez!!! Football games are far too frequent to eat like that. And, my justification (at the time was....the others were eating more than me---well, the boys were, at least). But, what kind of logic is that? I need to take care of my body. I'll be living in mine until I die, not theirs, so if they choose to stuff theirs, that's their problem. I can't let other people be my cause for 1) motivation or 2)lack of motivation. The motivation has to come from within & therein lies the problem....I've got none!!! Help me Lord!!

What's keeping you From god?

I haven't written in a while, which is typically a sign that I've not been doing well in the eating/exercising department. But, I've had a good few days & I did the 4 mile walk this morning, so I am happy with myself.

I went to the doctor's Thursday for my yearly physical (haha....every 3 years or so, for me) & all is well. He didn't even yell at me for being overweight, which was nice :) I fully expected him to & had my guard up. How silly. I know I need to lose weight, what difference does it make if a doctor tells me so or not? Actually, the fact that he didn't tell me to makes me more motivated to lose weight than if he had. How silly.

Anyway, the whole idea that I was so worried what this doctor I had never met before would say about my weight just confirms 2 things: 1) I care too much about what others think & not enough about what is right for me 2) I am tired of being insecure about my weight.

I just saw some pictures of me taken before I started putting back on the weight & I was actually smiling a genuine smile. I could so tell that i was legitimately happy & I really was so much happier. I've only gained about 10 pounds back, but the reality is I was eating right & taking care of myself. And, truthfully, I was feeling closer to God. The way I feel about dreading going to see the doctor when I am overweight is the same feeling I get about God sometimes, which is ridiculous. I know I'm not doing everything I should, so I hide. I mean, not completely....I still read my bible every day, pray, serve in ministry, etc.....but I have definitely felt my time alone with God has been suffering because I know I'm screwing up in this area. How sad...because, truthfully, He's the only one who can help me. And, He's there waiting for me. So, if there is anything keeping you from a closer relationship with Jesus, don't be a dope like me!!!! He loves us & He knows we're not perfect. He wants to help restore us in EVERY area of our lives. But, to get that help we need, we must first recognize that God HATES sin, but LOVES us. If we have accepted Christ as Saviour, He wants us to succeed. He's FOR us, not against us. We need to receive a revelation of how very much God loves us before we can succeed. Otherwise, we're just trying to be good, which never works for long. We need to submit every part of our lives to Christ & He will change us from the inside out...if we cooperate with His spirit. Now, time to take my own advice.

God bless, Dianna

Another 3 miles

Got up & walked again this morning with my pal, Leslie Sansone. Which is good. What is bad is I ate 1/2 a pan of butterscotch crunchies yesterday. Granted, it was a very small pan & they are one of my favorite foods (rice crispies, butterscotch chips & peanut butter), but still. Uggh!!! What a pig. Oh, well....today is a new day.

I was reading the Message this morning (a paraphrase of the bible) & this was SO meant for me: 2 Corinthians somewhere in chapter 6 (the Message doesn't give verse #s) : "You know the old saying, 'First you eat to live, and then you live to eat'? Well, it may be true that the body is a temporary thing, but that's no excuse for stuffing your body with food.......Since the Master honors you with a body, honor him with your body!"

I've said this before, but I think gluttony, laziness & those types of things are so overlooked as sins nowadays. We just kind of joke about them & commiserate with each other when we gain the extra pounds & let ourselves stay in front of the boobtube for hours. We obsess over the weight, but we don't feel badly enough about pigging out on a regular basis. Some days, if I'm honest, the amount of food my family eats really could feed a village. Yesterday, I was reading a small, local paper & it was saying our food pantry has gone from serving 20 people a month to 129 in the last month alone & are expected to see an increase when it gets even closer to winter. The girls & I rummaged through our cabinets & donated some things right then (before we forgot & our good intentions crumbled away). People in my neighborhood are going hungry & I am eating 1/2 a pan of very fattening & somewhat pricey sweets. I know there's a time for everything, including indulging. But, when I indulge every day, that just makes me a pig & an unhealthy one at that. And, really...if I cut back, I could help others more, which makes me so much happier in the long run.

I know all this...I believe it...why do I keep repeating these behaviors? God help me, Dianna

Back (again)

Well, I got up & did my 3 mile "Walk, Power Walk" today. It's amazing how quickly I can completely abandon all good habits. I really must learn to deal with stress better, because the reason I stopped (this time) is because I've been stressed out. I need to learn to take care of myself better. When things are stressful, isn't that exactly the time you should take care of yourself the most?

I am scheduled to see my Doctor this Friday for an annual check-up. In my case, it's more like every 3 years, since that's the last time I've even been to the doctor. In fact, I haven't even met this guy. We moved here 2 years ago & I've never even spoken to the man or seen his face. The only reason I'm going to see him is because I need a form filled out for the adoption process we are going through. He won't fill out the form saying I'm healthy because he has no idea who I am. Picky, picky...... Is there a link between my not wanting to ever go to the doctor's & eating too much/not exercising enough?? Any psychologists reading this thing? All I know is I have been given 1 body & I need to learn to take better care of myself. Not just for my own sake, but for the sake of all the people I love. Especially those who rely on me. They deserve a healthy mom. So, here I go again. Resolution #1,678,994 to eat better, exercise more & get fit for the race. 1 Corinthians 9:24 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize." The prize I'm searching for is to please Jesus. I can do that better if I start by valuing myself & not satisfying my flesh with hohos and dingdongs on a regular basis :)

God bless, Dianna