Here I Go Again

Well, I have not posted in ages and I need to start again because I am doing HORRIBLY!!!! No matter that probably no one will read this. The act of writing it might do me some good.

I have been doing the gluten free/wheat free/yeast free thing for a little less than a year. At first, it went very well because I was so excited not to feel like poo & to be sleeping. After the novelty of that wore off, I started feeling sorry for myself at all the foods I CAN'T eat. So, I began eating more of what I could. The result: I'm back up to 181 pounds - not the highest I've ever been, certainly, but not where I want to be, either. More importantly, my attitude is stinky...ungrateful towards all that I CAN have/do. I can say I'm grateful, but if I'm complaining all the time about what I can't have, I'm not. What does that say to God? Who has given me so much else in life to enjoy. I feel like Eve in the Garden of Paradise....surrounded by beauty & God's presence, yet tricked by satan to partake of the 1 thing she wasn't supposed to have. Dumb, dumb, dumb...I am letting satan steal my joy, my productivity & my health.

Worse, I have not been exercising much & have slipped back into an overall state of non-discipline. Which is not to say I am sitting at home every day eating bon-bons, but I was doing so well there for a while & I let all my good habits slip. They say if you consistently do something for 2 weeks or so, it becomes a habit that is hard to break. Well, I was exercising consistently for months & then, "poof"!! I HATE schedules & discipline more than the average person, but I actually suspect that I need it more than the average person. Once I let one habit go, I seem to let others go & then we're going over the budget, the housework slips, the school work slips, and the rest of the house seems to take my lead & slips right along with me.

I have been under a lot of stress in the past year or 2 - waiting on the adoption that seems like it's never going to happen-but, I can't use that as an excuse. There will always be stresses in my life. There will always be delays. There will always be disappointments. Will I ever learn to handle them in a positive way & not turn to food? I feel like an episode of a soap opera...."will she, or won't she?"

Well, enough negativity. I am taking the bull by the horns. I have been 3 days without ice cream, which may not seem like a big deal, but it's the only ready-made dessert I can eat. I almost gave in last night, but didn't, thankfully! I CAN do this. Maybe I'm just a bit slower-learning than the average gal. I WILL change my attitude & my habits. What choice do I have? Continue to be miserable with myself? My big goals for the week are: 1. Continue breaking the Ice cream addiction, and 2. Start waking up early to exercise.

God bless....Dianna