Still in the Fight

Hello,

I am bummed because I hurt my back Saturday & have not been able to do my aerobics yet, although I am feeling better bit by bit. Maybe tomorrow? I have not been totally inactive, however. Tony & I took a leisurely hike through Douglas State Forest Sunday after church (kind of funny, because we were not prepared & were still in church clothes & shoes). Then, we walked around Quabbin a bit on Monday. I took a short walk while the girls were at Gymnastics yesterday & hope to take a long walk tonight when hubby gets home. So, I'm at least still walking while I heal. Eating, on the other hand, could be better. Pot-luck on Sunday was not so great. I could have done worse, but truthfully, I was caught off guard & hadn't even prayed about it, so of course, I did what came naturally.....eat everything!!! Actually, I was among the last in line, so there wasn't everything left, but I ate a lot. The last two days have been OK, but not good. I definitely need to commit it to prayer A LOT more than I have been the last few days. This is actually a pretty stressful time for me & I feel pulled in too many directions, so it is hard to stay focused. But, I am determined to persevere & win at least some of the battles. Winning some of the time & staying in the fight is better than conceding & losing them all, right?

God bless, Dianna

Gilad

Well...I just finished 45 minutes of torture with Gilad. Does anyone remember him? I think he was pretty big in the 90s. Tony & I used to do his TV work-outs sometimes in college in his mom's living room; which is a funny memory. A tiny living room with too much furniture & 2 clumsy kids trying to do aerobics. Heehee. Well, today was funny in a different way...in a pathetic way. But I did it! I'll not lie & say I did it 100 % full steam--I modified it a bit during the last 2 segments. But, it's a more strenuous work-out than I'm used to, which I need once in a while. It feels good knowing I can even mostly do it. At least not in as bad of shape as I was when I first started this process last November. I have been still walking a few days a week during my "interlude", which is much better, of course, than no exercise at all. Not just for weight, but for health in general.

It was brutal getting out of bed this morning. I had a tough day mentally yesterday & spent a good part of the afternoon/evening in bed watching Upstairs, Downstairs (OLD British series) & was in quite a funk, which carried over to waking up. BUT, I forced myself to get up & I'm glad I did. I feel pretty good right now. I really do have to wonder sometimes if I have a real chemical/hormonal imbalance or something. Anyway, the reason I say that is because I took a long walk yesterday, which was nice, but it always seems like I need a real work-out....ie raising my heart rate to actually feel better. Who knows, it could just be coincidence. But, I also remember that when I was really "on the wagon", whenever I felt that awful slump in the afternoon, I would do a quick jog around the house or something & it really seemed to help. Maybe I'll start trying that again & see what happens. It's hard, though, because when you feel tired & run down, the last thing you want to do is a bit of exercise.

Anyway, enough babbling. Jane, in answer to your question about what you "signed on" for?? I don't know...that has to be up to you, of course & what you feel you should aim for. As for me, I am trying to 1) Exercise...(.seems to be what I need to make the other things effective) 2)Eat when I'm hungry only 3)Eat fairly healthy foods most of the time 4)Eat sweets/junk in moderation 5) Drink plenty of water 6) Blog, bevause even if it's only you reading it, it still helps me to know someone might be & to process my own thoughts/keep me focused. It's not anything drastic or revolutionary, but I know it works & I can do it if I 7) most important...lift it up before God every day. That I would find the balance of finding pleasure in eating, but not looking for my joy or comfort in it, which can only come from God.

I'll be praying for you. Love, Dianna

I Think I'll Go For a Walk Outside, Now

Hello, people!

I lost 3 pounds!! Woohoo!! Very excited & back on track. 7 more pounds & I'll be right back to where I started from at the beginning of the summer. Oh, well....at least the #s are heading in the right direction. I just took a long walk around the lake near my house & I'm pooped, but it felt good to get outside. Ya know, even though I live in the boondocks, there's quite a few people around me, but they must all be hermits, because in all the walks I've taken over the last 2 years, I've only met a handful of people.

Anyway....last night at my small group, my friend made some chocolate chip cookies to share. They looked yummy & last week, I would eaten 3 or 4, but I had already had a treat & so I didn't. The exciting part is it wasn't even a struggle, really. I remember that happening when I was really committed to this thing months ago. That many times, the temptations had no power & I can only attribute that to God. I mean, I always pray, but this time & months ago (before I fell off the wagon) I am & was really submitting my will to God & totally trusting that He will overcome for me. In me. Through me. Because, I have proven to myself time & time I again that I have absolutely NO WILL-POWER. But, the good news is; I don't have to. All I have to do is remain in Jesus & He will do the work for me. I just have to cooperate with Him.:

John 15:4-5 (Jesus said) "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

Self-control is one of the fruits of the spirit. I can't just try REALLY hard to produce this fruit...it doesn't work! I need to remain in Him & submit my thoughts & actions to Him & He will develop this fruit (&others) in me. Cool, huh?

Now, go take a walk. God bless, Dianna

Football games are evil

Howdy,

Another day of waking up & exercising :) I ate pretty well today & yesterday, too. Not on Sunday, though. I went to my sister's house for the Patriots game & ate too much because there was lots of yummy things to eat. I didn't completely go crazy, though. I could have (&have) done much worse. Then again, I could have done much better. The important thing is I got back on the wagon & started right again on Monday, so that's all I can do, right?

Another goal of mine is to try to eat tiny meals more frequently. When I eat a regular-sized breakfast; I am typically not hungry again until dinner & I really don't want to eat unless I'm hungry. But, if I go that long between meals, I find I get a bit shaky & discombobulated. Is that a real word? I actually think I might have hypoglycemia or whatever that is where your blood sugar dips dramatically. Because, I will be walking around full of energy one moment & need to lay down the next. Oh well, it's not like I'm going to get it checked out or anything, because that would require seeing a doctor, which is not likely to happen.

Anyway, I am happy with my progress so far. Jane....welcome to the wagon. The next time I don't want to finish my soda, I will cover it with saran wrap. Then, I will bring it to you as a present. Then, I won't be wasting it. Heehee. What can I say? I'm weird.

God bless, go do some jumpin' jacks, Dianna

Waking up is hard to do

Well.....the excitement & energy I felt yesterday at jumping out of bed didn't apply today, but....I got out of bed anyway after a bit of an internal struggle. Picture the old Disney cartoon with the angel with a halo on one shoulder & the devil with the pitchfork on the other. Thankfully, the angel won. I added a mile today; doing Leslie Sansone's 4 mile walk. I feel pretty good about that. I ate pretty well yesterday, although I could have eaten a bit less at dinner. I made a new recipe for Butternut squash soup which I personally thought was fantastic. So, I had that with salad & garlic bread. I ate a bit more than I needed, but I didn't pig out, had a small dessert & no snacks after dinner. However, I made the dumb move of having a caffeine free diet coke after dinner, which I didn't finish until 8:00, which probably contributed to my poor sleep last night :( How quickly I forget that I can't drink anything at night!!! I was too cheap to not finish it, how ridiculous is that? What's even more ridiculous is that I got the soda for free in the first place. Haha. Oh, well.....

I had a bit of a tough afternoon/evening yesterday. My youngest daughter (8 1/2) has been ultra emotional, quickly angered & ungrateful lately & we had a blow out about something she thought was unfair. Neither one of us handled it well, but she's 8, so she was over it in minutes while I felt guilty about it all night long. I asked her forgiveness, which she gave, and I know Jesus always forgives us when we are truly repentant, but sometimes I have difficulty forgiving myself. The reason I mention it is that I am happy I didn't turn to food for comfort, but sad because I spent most of the evening plopped in front of the TV instead of the million things I could have been doing. Part of my whole weight loss goal needs to be to learn to manage stress properly, because often it is the food that I go to, which is not good. Oh, well.....I will figure it out someday. That's my new motto. God bless you, Dianna

Resist and he will flee

Hello,

I just finished another work-out & I feel "mah-velous", darlin'. I truly do. I slept last night, praise God!! People prayed for me last night after our small group bible study & I slept!!! I'm sure it helped that I didn't drink anything (I'm not talking Jack Daniels or anything, I mean plain old water) after 7 & no snacks after dinner. Plus, I exercised. I know those are 3 things I MUST do if I am to have the slightest hope of getting a decent night sleep. I fell asleep around??10:00, woke up briefly when a disappointed hubby came to bed (disappointed because we don't get the channel the Red Sox game was on, poor guy) & slept through until 6:00 :) Normally, if I woke up at 6:00, I would groan & roll back over & pull the covers over my head because I am still tired. But today I did what I need to do---physically get out of bed when my mind wakes up. I jumped out, pulled on my athletic gear....ie tshirt & Tony's boxer shorts heehee & exercised. And I feel mah-velous.

Last night, when I came home from my small group, I was DYING for a snack. It doesn't matter what I have eaten through the day...much or little...sweets or no sweets...I ALWAYS crave something before bed, even though it's horrible for me. I was just about to give in when I said to myself, "Self....if I still want it this badly in an hour, I can have it" & I set my mind on other things. Well, after about 15 minutes, I started feeling sleepy & I realized I truly wasn't craving it anymore. James 4:7 says "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." God will allow trials in our lives because He wants us to draw closer to Him & increase our faith. It's the devil who tempts us, but we can overcome if we only submit to God & wait out the storm. The devil will go away...he'll be back again, but temporarily he'll leave you alone once he sees who you're clinging. All I need to remember is to fight those temptation battles one at a time & when & if I fail, to ask forgiveness & do it right the next time. My down slides usually happen when I've failed a few times, start feeling sorry for myself & then give in altogether. One of these days I'll get it right.

Jane, hop on the wagon with me :) Love, Dianna

I'm Hee-re!!

Well,

It's been an incredibly long time since I posted; with good reason! I didn't have many good things to say. I have been steadily going downhill, gaining weight back & not exercising :( The BAD news is I've gained 10 pounds back :( The good news is I am still 20 pounds less than when I originally started this process back in November 2007.

I got up this morning to do Leslie Sansone's 3 mile walk & it felt really good to be doing something about my circumstances for a change instead of planning on doing it tomorrow, or wishing I would get my act together, etc....I did something positive for my health today. It's a start in the right direction.

How dumb is it that we, as humans, usually know what we need to do, yet find a million reasons why we shouldn't do it, or look to other solutions to solve the problem because the real solution is too difficult, or boring, or makes us confront larger issues? I know what I need to do to lose weight & get healthier. I need to eat in moderation, exercise consistently & drink plenty of water. Easy, right? But, there's so much more wrapped up in it. I'm lazy. I want to satisfy the cravings of my flesh. I don't want to learn how to manage my stress in healthier ways. Aaahhh.... But, in reality, I know when I was "on-track", I was so much happier & less stressed out. Once I get back into the swing of getting up to exercise, it will become habit & I won't have to fight the laziness quite so hard.

So, although I have failed at this time & time again....here I go again for another round; with hope. Not in my own self, but in the ability of the God I serve to change me. To give me the self-control I need. Thankfully, I serve a God who gives without holding our past sins against us. Although I have failed so many times, been a glutton, been lazy, not taken care of the body He gave me; I can still go boldly to His throne asking Him once again to forgive me & help me succeed in this area: James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. " He gives without finding fault, when what we ask is according to His will & we pray with faith. Well, I know His will is that I am healthier & I have faith that He answers prayer. God is good...even when we're not.

God bless you all.....go get some exercise :) Dianna