Old pants

Well, I got on the scale today & was discouraged to find I haven't lost any more weight. I didn't gain any, either, so that's good. I whined a bit to my husband & he tried to assure me that I might be gaining muscle, so I'll accept that. Then, I tried on a pair of pants I haven't been able to wear & I'm wearing them now!! Cool beans, I couldn't even zip them up the last time I tried them on, so that encouraged me.

I'm off to a fellowship tonight with some lovely ladies from my church which will revolve around food & singing Christmas songs. It should be fun, but it also poses a challenge. Am I strong enough to avoid the sweets when they'll be in my face all night? I could skip dinner & have dessert instead :) Sshhhh.....don't tell the kids. If I had more brains, I would have brought a fruit platter or something. I am baking a fairly healthy version of banana bread, so that wouldn't be too bad. It's got some whole grains & honey & eggs. That's pretty well balanced, right? RIGHT!!! Yes, I think I will skip dinner so I can enjoy the get-together without all the guilt. I still gotta pray to not go crazy & to not make it a habit. Love you all, thanks for the encouragement, Dianna

Confessions of an ex-Chocolate junkie

Had another good day. I was craving something sweet tonight, so I am treating myself to two squares of Hershey's extra dark. Yummy. This new approach of eating whatever I want, as long as I am hungry & to stop when I'm full is loaded with benefits. One of them is letting myself has an occasional treat without all the guilt, because I know I will stop at 2 squares & not eat the whole bag. Every "diet" I've ever been on, I have 1: tried to satisfy my sweet tooth with low-cal, low-fat, highly UNsatisfying crummy dessert impostors, or 2: deprive myself entirely of sweets & junk altogether until I eventually & inevitably cave, whereupon I go berserk & eat everything that's not tied down, whether it's all that tasty or not because I feel ripped off. It's very exciting to be able to indulge in a sweet & know God will give me the strength not to go overboard. Much cheaper, too. We are a one income family, because I feel like God has called me to home school, at least at this point in time. And yet, Tony (hubby) makes a comfortable living. So many times we'll be scraping at the end of the month & say, "where did all the $$ go?" & we'll joke & say "we ate it!!" Our grocery bill has certainly always reflected our junk food & sweet "habit". Where did our vacation fund go? we ate it!! Where did the $$ for new clothes go? We ate it!!

Speaking of habit, my friend Jane wrote a comment last week about being upset about not being able to have that second cookie she was looking forward to. It reminded me of an incident that happened probably 2 years ago....I had bought a bag of almond m&ms. Actually, I had Tony buy it. He has always been my "supplier" . I'm not talking the single serving ones you buy at the check-out stand...I mean a BAG. I have been known to eat a pound or 2 of chocolate in one sitting. Really. Anyhow, this was a time I was trying to be good & just have a few, so I told my hubby to hide the bag & not tell me where it was no matter how much I begged (no pressure). Well, I swear I dreamt about it or something, because the next morning, I WANTED that chocolate & was determined to find it, so I tore the house apart, but couldn't find it. Then, upstairs on the office floor, I saw one that must have dropped on the floor, so I ate it!!! Yes, I did. I wouldn't make this up. Pretty pathetic, huh? I'm sure I could think of more desperation stories, but that's all you get. You'd think that would have been my low point...enough to bring me to my senses, but obviously it wasn't, since that was 2 years ago. Because the devil had such a hold on me in this area, every time I knew I was out of control, I would just feel condemned to be fat & a piggie & just totally deprived of hope, so I would actually end up eating more.

It's so important to remember ".... our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12) When we recognize that those feelings of hopelessness are from satan, we can know how to fight him. The Holy Spirit will convict us of specific sins because He wants us to repent & turn to Him, but He will never just give us that feeling of just being a pathetic & hopeless individual. That's satan's job & he does it well...but he has no power other than what we relinquish to him. Praise God...He has already won this battle for me. Love you all, Dianna

Patience

Hi,

Another good day. I have to say, though, I am missing the food a bit. I don't miss the feeling of overeating or the lack of self-control, or knowing that I was being disobedient. But, I am so not used to eating this little amount of food; especially on a consistent basis. Part of me is worried I am not eating enough & that my metabolism will come to a halt, get used to fewer calories & I will stop losing weight. But, in my heart, I know that I shouldn't eat when I'm not hungry & I shouldn't eat more than my body needs, no matter what experts say. I refuse to count points or calories or fat grams or any such thing. I guess I need a boost of faith today that if I seek first His kingdom & His righteousness, all other things (including weight loss) will be added unto me. Do I believe that God wants me to be thin? Yes, I'd have to say I do. If I think of all the benefits to being thin & fit verses all the negatives of being heavy & unfit, of course God would choose us to be thin. I don't mean Twiggy thin, but healthy thin. He says He grants us the desires of our heart & my desires in this area are #1: obey what His word says about eating #2: trust in Him alone for all the other reasons I have previously turned to food, and #3: be thin & healthy so I can run this race as best I can for as long as I am on this Earth. Those are the good reasons, but again, if I'm truly honest, I am struggling with the fact that I want to be thin so I will look better. That's the murky area, because that can't be my motivation. That's just pure vanity...but, it's there. I asked myself the question today: if I didn't lose another pound, would I still continue the habits I've started? There's a tough one. I'd like to think I would, but I can't say for sure.

I believe this (weight loss) will happen on one level, yet I have to admit I am struggling on another. As anyone who knows me well can attest, I am NOT a patient person on any counts. I want to have lost all the weight already. How ridiculous is that? I know it's not logical, but there it is. That whole "long-suffering" fruit of the Spirit isn't quite ripe yet in me, either. But, I am still hopeful, if that doesn't sound too contradictory. I doubt, but I have hope.....doesn't seem possible, but it's true. I have to just remind myself that God is in control & when I start to doubt, it's because I'm trying to take that control back again. I don't want it back because I know I always mess it up. I have to realize that even though I am doing great, I still need to submit it to Him every day. I wonder if this is how a recovering alcoholic or drug addict feels when they've been clean for a while....like, "I've beaten that....I just want it over with & not think about it anymore". Maybe that's not a possibility? Time will tell. Love you all, thanks for the posts, Dianna

Hungry & Thirsty for the Right Things

Day #15:

Another good day. I'm learning more to run to Jesus every time I am tempted, which is so simple I wonder why it took me this long to figure it out. Matthew 5:6 says, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled." How true & how simple & yet how often have I turned to other things for comfort, to fill a void, to cover up pain or hurt. Why do I not always turn to the Lord & seek His face in all things at all times? I heard a sermon once about hungering & thirsting for more of Jesus. The guy gave this illustration about craving pistachio ice cream. But, instead of having the ice cream, he had chips & then steak & then pie, etc...until he was stuffed. By the time the pistachio ice cream got there, he didn't really want it anymore because he had filled his stomach with other things. Isn't that the same thing we do sometimes? God gives us a hunger & thirst for something to fill that void in our lives so that we will come to Him & know Him. Before we become a child of God, many of us try to fill that void with everything from work to food to drugs to sex to materialism, etc....until, hopefully, we come to our senses and recognize none of these things satisfy fully. That's understandable BEFORE we know the Lord. So why do I, as a Christian (& I'm sure I'm not alone) often search out the same things we did before? We turn to Him for some of our needs, but not all? Do we not have faith that He can satisfy every part of our lives? He can & He does. Every time we come crying to Him, He relieves our fears, pains, everything. Why would we turn to anything else?

Because it's easier. It's easier to turn to the brownies, but they don't satisfy for long. It's easier to turn on a movie & try to escape into it. Movies aren't bad (well, some of them:) but, they will only postpone the inevitable. Why else? Because we live in a fallen world that tells us lies every day. That we need this or that to be happy. That we need to be "strong"...that we can do this life on our own. Maybe we turned to our friends or family. They are good, too. God made us to have relationships. But, if we look to them before we turn to God, it's not enough. People will fail us. They lie, they hurt us...even the best of them. They don't always understand us. They can't be all things to us at all times. God can...He made us. Maybe we're lazy. Maybe we're afraid. Who knows? But, as I go through this whole process, I am not only running away from my addiction to food, I am running closer to my maker & better understanding that He is sufficient, For everything. I love this song...check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Js5OnLeunQ

I hope everyone reading has a marvelous day. Here's to hunger :) Dianna

SLOW DOWN

Day #14:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (New International Version)

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Hi! Today was a much better day. I ate well, exercised & had a pretty good attitude. I'm still struggling with the eating slower goal. I really have to force myself to do it & usually forget. Tonight for dinner, I had a taco salad with a small scoop of meat, 1 shell, lettuce, tomato & sour cream. Before, on taco night, I would eat 3-4 tacos easily. Tonight, eating slowly, I got full before I finished the plate. It was hard to stop & not go beyond full. It seemed like such a small amount of food. But, my whole mind-set is that God created our bodies perfectly. We don't need experts telling us how much to eat or when...our bodies will do that for us if we listen to it. God built all that in. I've really just never learned & it's difficult. Difficult to slow down & difficult to not want to keep eating. But, I did it & now I'm fine. Really, it's a great thing because eating less will help me reach my other goal about saving more $$.

So...the question I need to ask is why I eat so fast? Do I think the food is going to run away?

Hhhmmmm....chances are, I just got used to cramming in as much food into my body as quickly as possible so I could better ignore those signals of fullness. Probably didn't help that most of my jobs have been in the service industry where you get a 15 minute lunch break if you're lucky. Who knows? My kids & hubby eat quite fast, too. If we could only clean that fast. Haha.

So, I'm not setting any new goals this week until I meet my new one from last week--slow down the chowing. Have a Happy Day. God bless, Dianna

A Hard Day's Night

Hello,

Today was tough. I started out the day so excited & with such a positive mind-set. Somehow, I have lost 13 pounds, even though I was only 6 pounds down a few days ago. Praise God!!! I was so thrilled! I took an early morning walk today, even though it was quite cold & I hate the cold. It was ok. I wore my long-johns & I was sweating by the time I got home. My asthma started acting up a bit by the last hill, though. Cold weather isn't good for my lungs, but I get bored doing the same old work-outs. Gotta get some new ones. Anyway, so I headed off for church thrilled to death, rehearsal went well (I'm on the worship team), but it went down-hill for me from there. Frustrating service for me, but I won't get into that. Anyway, I did what I do sometimes when things don't go well; feel sorry for myself & try to escape my reality. I watched tv most of the day....waste of time & not good for getting out of a funk. This is how ridiculous I get when I'm in a mood....my hubby went out to get me the Sunday paper, because I am trying to save $$ & have been clipping coupons. Of course, for some reason, there was none, so I threw a little fit. So stupid. When hubby asked me what the matter was, I said, "Every time I try to do something good, something gets messed up!" That's what my 7 year old would say. Besides, it's not even true. Then, of course, I wanted a piece of left-over pie that I was so sure wouldn't be a temptation to me. Haha!! Well, at least I resisted. I ate well today, but I didn't want to. My attitude stunk.

I'm trying to recognize what went wrong & I'm thinking maybe I was a bit too proud of myself for losing 13 pounds. I did thank God, but maybe a part of me was still taking credit? And, I need to not run away from God or my problems when they arise & face them head on. I tend to seek God most when times are good & when they are desperately bad. When things are a little crummy, I still tend to try to deal with it in worldly ways. When will I ever learn? I did snap out of it a bit....but I could have done so a lot sooner. Also, I read an article about how Satan tends to attack after we've experienced a spiritual high & I have really been experiencing that:

http://www.drurywriting.com/keith/10thots.htm

Tomorrow's a new day & I know His mercies are new every morning. I'll try to concentrate on the positive. Have a good day, Dianna

Thanksgiving #2

Hi,

Thanksgiving #2 was hard, but I did o.k. I could have eaten a little less pie, but I didn't go crazy. And, I took 2 walks today, so that will help. As much as I love Thanksgiving, I have to say I'm glad it's done. I came home with lots of left-overs, but I really don't think that will be as tempting. I am finding that the hardest thing is not over-indulging when everyone else is. Also, when it's the types of food I don't normally make. I took a few pieces of pie home for the family from Thanksgiving #1, but I'm determined not to eat those, because it's the sweets that are hardest not to go crazy on. If I'm too tempted, I'll probably toss them & make my kids eat oreos or something else I can easily pass on.

Anyway, I have lost 6 pounds since I started & I am very happy with that. That's all for tonight. I'm tired from the tryptophan :) Enjoy the weekend. God bless, Dianna

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Day #9 & 10:

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! Today was by FAR my hardest day so far, but I am really happy with how I did. I purposely had just 1 piece of toast for breakfast. I would have skipped it all together, but my tummy was growling. I munched a few olives before lunch & ate small portions of my favorite dishes. I skipped the mashed potatoes, corn & rolls altogether, because I figured I make those all the time. Then, I waited a few hours & had 2 small pieces of pie for dinner. That's still quite a bit of food, but, no lie, I would usually eat 3 times that amount, no problem. A typical Thanksgiving for me would mean stuffing myself to the point of no return & then having a bit more. Any Monty Python fans out there? I was always Mr. Creosote on Thanksgiving with the wafer thin mint.

I also did the 4-mile walk work-out this morning, a short walk with the family right after lunch & another when I got home. I'm exhausted :) Is it possible for someone who always hated exercise to get addicted to it? It actually feels really good.

So, I did well, but I have to say, it was sooooo...hard!!!! Oh my goodness, maybe I didn't pray enough? Thank goodness for my amazing husband. After I had the pie, I really wanted another piece, so I pulled him aside & asked him to pray for me. It's so hard watching everyone else eat what they want. I really felt like I was missing out. How ridiculous. I had plenty of food. And now, I have tons of left-overs so i won't have to cook for a while. Now, though, I am SO happy I didn't give into the temptation. Every time I have failed in the past, it just made it so much harder the next time. Anyway, Thanksgiving #2 is tomorrow at my sister's & I am committing to pray more for strength. That I not only wouldn't give into the temptation, but that i wouldn't even be tempted. That I wouldn't have the desire to be a piggie. Especially with all the left-overs, I can eat more again the next day. Because food is good....gluttony is bad.

Love you all, Dianna

The Unrepentant Dog

Day #8:

My dog, Rocky (golden retriever) is the dumbest thing ever to have walked on 4 legs. He can be very sweet & affectionate; my husband & oldest daughter love him. I tolerate him & make sure he is fed & gets his shots. Although he is dumber than the average dog, he still has much to teach me. The latest "lesson from Rocky" is about disobedience & unrepentance. Rocky's home is in our finished (mostly) basement. He would get free run of the house if he ever learned not to destroy toys & tear the stuffing out of stuffed animals. Don't feel too bad for the guy, there's plenty of space, it's nice in cozy in the winter due to the pellet stove & he gets a good amount of company because the tv and computer are down here. If you ask Rocky what the best part of the basement is, though, he would surely tell you it's the couch. Every time I leave the room for more than a few minutes, he jumps up on the couch. If I remember to prop the cushions in a sort of tepee fashion & blockade the couch, there's a chance he won't, but training my girls to do that has been as successful as training the dog not to jump on the couch. Why is this a problem, you ask? He smells for one, and he sheds a new dog every day. (We had bought him a dog bed for $60, by the way, but he ate that, too)

So, what does this have to do with repentance? The dog doesn't know the meaning. I catch him every time, he slithers off the couch & gives me the "I'm sorry, but aren't I still cute?" look & hides his face in his paws, to which I reply, "you stink" & sigh a heaving sigh. I used to yell & scream & call him a bad dog, tap his butt and shout threats I knew I'd never keep. Now, I just sigh my defeated sigh & try to comb some of the hair of the cushions & prop them up again. The truth of the matter is, Rocky uses the couch downstairs more than the humans do, he doesn't plan on stopping any time soon & will continue to plan his next couch nap even as he declares with his puppy dog eyes that he is sorry. He's not. Don't we do that with God sometimes? If we're truthful, I think we all would admit we have at one time or another. Some of us daily. Yes, God is a God of grace & mercy & forgiveness & love. He loves us so much He sent His one & only Son to die on the cross so we may have forgiveness of sins. His mercies are new every day & when we truly seek His forgiveness, He not only forgives, but forgets them. BUT!!! We can't abuse that grace & keep sinning (by overindulging or any area of our lives). True repentance isn't saying "I'm sorry"...it goes so much deeper. If He convicts us that we are sinning in any way, we MUST act on it, repent & change our ways.

I'm thinking ahead to Thanksgiving. Normally, I wouldn't even consider what my eating habits would be...total pig out!!! But, now I'm thinking, if I do, that's saying, "God, I'm going to obey you this day & maybe this day, but not this one". It would me be saying sorry, but knowing full well I plan on doing it when no one will be looking, or when everyone else will be doing it, or when it will be socially acceptable. The Lord has convicted my heart that gluttony is sin, so I feel like I just can't do it. Ever. So, I will be praying for the strength to eat a little bit of my favorite foods & stop when I'm full. There's no way I'm giving up my pumpkin pie, but I don't have to. I just can't eat the whole thing. I'm either going to choose the obedient life, or I'm not. I know God will forgive me if I fail, but I know that, since I have given it over to Him, He can win this victory for me. If I choose to "let go" and pig out on Thanksgiving, what will stop me from the next day? (thanksgiving #2 at my folks') & Christmas & all the parties that go with it & birthdays & dinners out & pot-lucks & Valentine's day, etc....there's always another excuse to overindulge.

Has God laid it on your heart to stop doing something, or start? Anything He calls you to do, He will give you the power to achieve it. Enlist the help of other positive people (not the ones who will try to talk you out of it, or tell you you're fine the way you are). Talk to a pastor or someone you trust. Ask them to hold you accountable. You can do it!! God bless, Dianna

What's your Excuse????

Day #7:

Well, I am happy to say I surpassed my goals for the first week of my challenge. My goals for the following week are the same as the last, plus trying to eat more slowly. I made a soup for dinner tonight with some yummy bread. Typically, I could easily eat 2-3 bowls & 2 pieces of bread. Tonight, I ate 1 piece of bread & 1 1/2 bowls of soup. Right after I finished the soup, I realized I would have been full after 1. I wasn't stuffed to the gills, but if I had eaten more slowly, my body would have had time to tell my brain it was already full & didn't need more. It's just so odd; I have to learn how to listen to those signals, because I really have never learned. Most of my life, I have just eaten whatever I want, whether I was full or not. Or the opposite, which was eating so little I was always hungry. My aim is to eat enough & not more than I need. It's very surprising for me to learn I really don't need all that much food. Today, I had a 1 egg omelet with some peppers & a tiny bit of left-over steak & coffee for breakfast, an apple, cottage cheese & almonds for lunch, a banana for a snack & what I just described for dinner. Compared to what I am used to eating, that is not much. And, like I said, if I had been more sensitive to my bodies' signals, I could have eaten less. No problem, though....I am learning.

The exercising is going much easier. It has taken me less time to start that habit than I would have thought. Probably because I am mentally & spiritually ready for it this time, unlike so many other times I have tried to do it in my own strength. It actually feels good & is helping me sleep a bit better & helping my state of mind. I was thinking about what is different this time & why I am so confident that this is it!!! This is the time!!! There are many reasons, one of which is I have come face to face that all my "reasons" were flimsy excuses for me being a lazy butt. Here have been some of my many, many, excuses:

1) I have asthma, so I can't exercise as easily as most people. True, but this walking program I'm doing is totally doable & still a great work-out. 2) I'm soooo...busy. I homeschool, I'm busy in the ministry, etc..... Who isn't busy? If I can find time to watch an hour of TV every night before bed, I can make the time to exercise. 3) I HATE to exercise.....That's really just my attitude. Once I get past the initial chore of getting out of bed, it's ok. 4) I've been this height since I was 11...there's nowhere to go but out. Oh, that's just silly. 5) I've tried so many times & failed. Yes, but this time I'm fully giving it over to the Lord rather than trying to exert my own will. 6) My husband still finds me attractive & my girls think I'm beautiful. Well, thank God for people who love me no matter what, but pleasing God is more important than pleasing any man (even hubby) & I really doubt Tony will be crying as my flabby behind starts to shrink :) After all, he did fall in love with me when I was at my thinnest. 7) People shouldn't judge me by my looks. True, but they do & I never want anything stand in the way of an opportunity to be a witness for Christ. And, anyway, I judge my own self & I know this is not the body God wants me to have. 8) Food is too good to give up. RIGHT!! But, who asks us to? It's all about not overindulging & not living to satisfy the desires of our flesh. I'm sure I have used many more excuses, but that's all I can think of. Life is full of choices. I know I haven't done myself any favors when I've tried to justify my actions to myself...in this area & many others. We choose to be happy or sad. We choose to laugh or get angry. We choose to love or hate. We choose to accept Jesus as our savior, or reject Him. I have chosen to let myself be defeated. Now, I choose a victorious life.

So...what's your excuse? Love you all...keep reading & posting. You are all a blessing to me. Love in Christ, Dianna

God made food....and it was good

Day #5 & 6:

Hello again :) Yesterday was the first Saturday of my life I can remember getting up early to exercise. I had actually planned on sleeping in a little (what I do on a typical Saturday), but my internal clock woke me up early anyway, so I decided to do something positive rather than laze around in bed. I felt pretty good about that. I did the same today. Yesterday, I went to a great Financial Freedom Seminar at my church & one of the activities was to write down any goal & list smaller steps that we can take to achieve that. I gave that alot of thought pertaining weight loss. It would be the natural thing for me to say, I want to lose x pounds by such-a-such a date. For me, it would only serve to lead me back to the wrong focus concerning weight loss. In fact, I need to not focus on weight loss at all. Huh? Than, why did I label this a weight loss blog? Well, I am hopeful that losing weight will be a natural by-product of my other behaviors.

I have done weight watchers, Atkins, low-fat, vegetarian, slim fast, just plain not eating, my on-again, off-again bouts with bulemia, etc.....they all "worked" to some extent or another. But, for me, they all caused me to focus MORE on the food than ever before. I simply thought about points & portion sizes & what foods were "good" and which foods were "bad". Obviously, there are some foods that are "healthier" than others. To me, it doesn't take a genius to see a peice of toast is a healthier breakfast option than a twinkie. However, as to all the rest of it: GOD MADE IT!!!! God cannot make anything BAD. The "Experts" throughout the years have labeled almost every food "healthy" or "unhealthy" at one time or another. They all disagree. They are all trying (successfully) to convince us all that we need to follow man-made rules about eating. If they know so much, by the way, why is obesity a national epidemic? Why does the average weight charts keep expanding every year? Why are people still clogging up their arteries? It reminds me so much of the Judaizers who were trying to convince the new Christians to go back to living under the law rather than the freedom they had receieved in their relationship with Christ. Food is good. God created it for us --not only to sustain us, but for us to enjoy it & to use it as a social part of our lives. If not, why would He have created such a wide variety, with so many beautiful colors, textures, smells, tastes, etc....& why would He make mention of laying a table for us in Heaven? God made food good. We have polluted it with our own imposed rules of what we can & cannot eat & in what order. And, people have made millions out of our belief in

this. It's all good. In moderation.

Food good......gluttony, or eating beyond the point of fullness is bad. Eating when we are hungry....good & common sense.....eating out of boredom, loneliness, stress....bad. We need to turn to Him for our problems. His grace is sufficient for us!! Enjoying the food that God created is good......making it a top priority in our lives & thinking about it frequently....NOT good. He wants our thoughts & hearts on Him, not food, or anything else. Thanking Him for variety....good. Calling what He created for us bad.... Bad. Wanting to look skinny, or sexy, like this actress or that model... or whatever....pride, vanity, bad. God created us all according to His perfect design. He loves us as individuals. He could have made us cookie-cutters, but He chose to make us unique. Trying to take care of the only body God will ever give me....the one He wants to dwell in as His temple....good. I am saying all this because I believe it's in line with God's word & character & also to retrain myself. There is still a part of me that wants to slap that # goal on the paper & say to myself, "If I achieve this goal, I will be successful". But, if I do, and even if I reach it, I will be defining success by the world's terms, or by my own flesh. I've done that. Been there. Not going back. I want to live my life....every area of my life for Him, for His glory, in obedience to His commands. I would be lying to say I don't want to lose weight. I'm sick of being fat & teetering towards the larger side of the store. I'm tired of being embarassed about my weight. But, my #1 goal has to be obedience & I am trusting in Him to take care of the pounds for me (I've lost 3, by the way :) The obedient life is filled with better blessings than we could ever "earn" or achieve on our own. My God can do anything but fail, so I'm letting Him fight this battle for me. Have a lovely day....hope I didn't p---- off any of you Atkin, weight watcher, slim fast, south beach, etc....advocates. I'm just expressesing my view. That's my plan & I'm stickin' to it.

God bless, keep reading. I TRULY appreciate all the comments. (Kris, I get the pix from google images) If you post your goals, I will commit to praying for you.

The Love of Christ to you all, Dianna

Be Still and Know that I am....BORED????

Day #4:

Hello lovely people. Yet another good day. I increased my exercise & am feeling it a bit, but am not too sore. I tried something revolutionary (to me) today: wait to eat until I am actually hungry. Hhmmmmm....there's a novel idea? Typically, I would wake up (7:30-8:00ish), make the kids breakfast, have a coffee & bagel or something while I check my e-mail whether I'm hungry or not. The kids are usually hungry by 11:00, because they grow a foot a day (well, my oldest does...she oughta play basketball). Again, whether I'm hungry or not, I tend to eat with them, or at least at the same time. We all eat dinner together nightly, because I think it's important, but I tend to run away from the kids at breakfast or lunch. Heehee. Maybe other stay-at-home moms or dads can relate? I love my kids, but I do need my mommy time, or else I become grouchy mommy. And then, I usually have dinner on the table when hubby comes home from work, around 5 ish. Again, I eat whether I am hungry or not. That, of course, doesn't include the afternoon snack (s) or the dessert I tend to have (by myself) after the kids have gone to bed. Oh NO!!!! I think I am a closet food-a-holic!! Many times at a function, if I'm trying to be "good", I won't have dessert, because I know I'll still want it later. How silly is that?

Anyway, so I determined to not eat until I actually felt physical hunger. I ate a normal breakfast at 9:30, lunch at 2:00 & I still (6:30) haven't eaten dinner (though I fed my family, which was kind of weird...I did sit with them, though). I was all prepared for those temptations to come & praise God, they were easily managed with a few "bullet prayers" throughout the day. But, here's the problem: I was so BORED!!!! I did what I do on a typical Friday (taught the girls, cleaned the house a bit, started preparing my bible study for the best small group ever :) and other duties), but I had a lot more free time on my hands than normal & I really didn't know what the heck to do with myself. That may not seem like a problem to anyone else, but to me that shows that 1) I often turned to food just to DO something & 2) I don't know how to be still. This is not a surprise to me, really. I've always been a restless spirit, but it's kind of pathetic, too. No wonder I am typically all stressed out....I don't know how to relax. I need to learn how to: "Be still and know that I am God."

http://www.christiancourier.com/articles/read/be_still_and_know_that_i_am_god

I love to praise the Lord, I love to read His word, I spend time in prayer, for myself & others, but I have still never really learned to just "be still" with the Lord. My mind is always racing 1,000 miles an hour & every time I try, the most ridiculous things pop into my head. Everything from what I need to do next week, to the answer to a trivia game I played last week (I get those answers in my sleep, too...very helpful). So, I guess that's something else I need to work on. I could certainly use my wonderful husband as a role model for this area: he'll just be sitting in the chair & I'll ask, "what are you thinking about?" and he'll reply, "nothing" & mean it!!! Oh, how I would love to sit and think about nothing. Really.

God bless you all, Dianna

Repentance

Day #3:

Good day :) Thank you to my wonderful friends reading & leaving me encouraging messages. Just thinking someone might read this helps hold me accountable & I know I'm not alone in this struggle. I have already met one of my goals for the week: to exercise 3 times this week. Praise God, I did it!!! But, I am still getting up tomorrow to "Walk, Power Walk" (Leslie Sansone) because it will be easier to keep the habit if I don't stop. I love her stuff because it's so simple (no difficult moves to follow), but I should get some more DVDs, because it does get pretty boring. On the other hand, I can kind of zone out during them & pray while I work out, so maybe boring's not a bad thing sometimes. Anybody have any suggestions for work-out DVDs? I need low impact & no silly dance moves (I'm not too coordinated).

I was listening to a tape today about repentance that really got me thinking. What is repentance? I found this on Wikipedia: "a change of mind accompanied by regret and change of conduct, 'change of mind and heart', or, 'change of consciousness'. " I was thinking, if I really think my eating habits are often sinful (which I do), then I really need to repent from my behavior if I expect God to help me. I have prayed so many times for God to give me strength to overcome my bondage to food, yet many of those times, even as I was praying, my flesh was fighting against it. Ever had an experience like that? I always chalked it up to lack of faith, but maybe it goes deeper? I don't think I really had a repentant heart about it. "A change of mind accompanied by regret..." I certainly regretted getting fat & letting things get out of control, but did I really have a contrite heart about it? "...change of conduct..." Always...for a little while. "...change of mind and heart..."....no, not really. Even when I was "being good", I always felt bad for myself, that I was missing out. My heart still was with the food. Anyway, so I turned off the tape & cried out to God. I don't mean..."Dear God, please forgive me & help me..." I mean, I CRIED out to God & wept & really understood that my behavior in this area has not only grieved me, but it grieves Him. I repented for all the times I turned to food instead of to Him; for using food as an idol. No more---I'm done. I really feel that this time is for real.

All righty then. God bless & keep you all, Dianna

Gluttony

Day #2:

Today went well. I excercised, ate well :) I was craving something sweet, so I was going to have a yogurt, but when I compared labels, I realized there was as much calories & fat in a serving of ice cream, and the yogurt didn't have much more nutrition. Maybe I ough to check the yogurt labels a bit better before I buy more. Anyway, I opted for a serving of ice cream. Haha!! I usually eat about 6 times that amount, easily. Oh, well...it was yummy & actually satisfied my craving. On the idea of being realistic (for once) I need to be proactive & find sweets that are low calories & still yummy. Part of the many reasons I have failed at this quest for weight loss so many times is because I tend to do all or nothing, which always backfires. Moderation is good. Gluttony is bad.

Speaking of gluttony, what is it? A friend asked me that tonight (hi Jane) & I tried to look into it a bit better. Didn't find much of a biblical definition, although it seems to be related to drinking to excess. The bible says gluttony can lead to poverty & I think it can be used to describe overindulgence in many different areas, not just food. All I know, is I am addicted to food & have been all my life, even when I was somewhat skinny. The only time I have not obsessed over food was when I first went cold-turkey and gave up sugar entirely. Food didn't have the same physical hold over me. BUT...I really didn't lose any weight & after the initial process, I didn't really feel better or have more energy, so what's the point? I did at first, but I think that was because I wanted it so badly. Eating out anywhere was nearly impossible, because there's sugar in everything. I need to do something I can stick with. I need to change the focus of my thoughts & turn to Jesus EVERY time I am tempted to overeat or shirk off from excercise.

I found this definition for addiction: "Addiction is bondage to the rule of a substance, activity, or state of mind, which then becomes the center of life, defending itself from the truth so that even bad consequences don't bring repentance, and leading to further estrangement from God." http://www.americaskeswick.org/addiction/trfood.shtml I can't say I spend every minute thinking about food, because I don't. But I am guilty of turning to the cookie jar first when I am sad or lonely, bored, mad, even happy. I need to break the cycle of turning to anything for comfort other than the Lord. From the same web-site, I found this: "When you are tempted to overeat, choose to be satisfied in Christ alone. Romans 13:14, 'But put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.' This is in no way an excuse for my indulgences, but we live in a culture that encourages us to satisfy our flesh NOW. Don't have $$? Put it on the credit card. Have a craving? Indulge. I think it's ok to indulge occassionally, but not as a way of life.

Ok...I'm tired. Hopefully, these new habits will also help me to sleep better. AAhhh...lack of sleep connected to lack of weight loss...another topic for another blog.

Til tomorrow, Dianna

Common Temptations

11/13

Day 1 of my new weight challenge has gone pretty well. I set the alarm for 7:00 (early for me) so I could exercise & I faced my first test: just getting out of the warm, cozy bed. My youngest daughter had a weird coughing spell that kept me up a lot of the night, so I was tired. But, I'm always tired, so I couldn't use that excuse. Then, I couldn't work the silly remote control to get the DVD player working (I'm a technology flunkie). The last remote was simple, but the dog ate it...this one is hard. My husband was stuck in traffic for 2 hours on the way to work, so I couldn't call him for help. I eventually figured out how to get the sound of the DVD working, but not the picture. This was actually fine, because I used Leslie Sansone's Walk Away the Pounds, which I've done before. The steps are really simple...4 or 5 moves---walking in place, knee lifts, side-steps & she uses the stretchy band which is actually kind of fun.

I ate pretty well....no pigging out & no eating when I wasn't hungry. AND, I resisted an ice cream sundae at my home school co-op's ice cream social. I have to admit that was tough. Ice cream is one of my favorite foods, especially all the toppings. I know everything's good in moderation, but I didn't want to start my first day on the wrong foot. I even helped serve, which was particularly hard, but I did it!! I have to try to make a big deal out of the little successes. I had to pray before hand & during & this verse came to mind: (1 Corinthians 10:13) "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted , he can also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." Here's the bad part, though....I was totally feeling sorry for myself. Seeing just about every person indulging & not partaking. BUT!! I know if I can regain control over my habits, I will be able to indulge a bit now & then...I just have to start strong. I'm already looking ahead to Thanksgiving & what my game plan should be?? I actually have 2 back to back, which is a blessing, but also difficult. I'm baking all the pies for the first one, too. Oh, well....I still have time to decide. Something else I thought of today as I was at the ice cream social---why do I feel the need to tell everyone I'm not eating ice cream? Do I really think people care that much? Do I just try to draw attention to myself? In any case, I think it made the temptation harder because I kept thinking about it. Next time, I'll try to just enjoy the company & think positive thoughts.

Till tomorrow, Dianna

welcome to my blog

Hello people!

This is my first ever blog & I never thought I'd write one, but it won't be the first time I do something I never thought I'd do. My name is Dianna & I live with my wonderful husband of 10 years and 2 beautiful daughters. I am writing this blog in an effort to start the committment to lose weight. I have battled with the bulge on and off most of my adult life, although for the past 4 years or so it's been mostly off. While the weight itself is an issue for me, it is mostly the fact that I know I am being disobedient in God's word concerning gluttony. As a Christian, although I am nowhere near perfect--(who is?), I have grown in so many areas I used to struggle with. Yet, in this, I have never gotten the victory. I know Jesus died for us not only so we can have eternal life, but also so that we can have victory over all areas of sin. I think in our culture, there are some sins we tend to gloss over as not being that important, but the word says gluttony and sloth are sin. I am not lazy in everything, but I do despise excercise, so I am certainly guilty in that respect.
I just came back from a women's retreat where the theme was "The Amazing Race" where one of the key verses was Hebrews 12:1: "...let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us." He's speaking about not giving up in our spiritual walk with God, but for me I took another meaning as well. If I am to be the best servant I can for Him, the best wife, mom, friend, etc....part of that is getting healthy. Today (so embarassing, but necessary to post) at 5'7" I weigh 195 pounds. I weighed 198 at my highest pregnancy weight. It's just so sad to think of the damage I am doing to my own body & that there's noone to blame but myself. Well, and my mother :) Only kidding. I am determined, even though I have failed soooooooo many times, to give this over to God, knowing I can't do it in my own strength & knowing He can win the victory for me.

These are my goals for this week: To NOT be a glutton, to not eat when I am full, to excersize at least 3 times this week, and to eat my fruits, veggies, dairy & drink plenty of water. Modest goals, I know, but I'm trying to be realistic. Please pray for me & please join me :) Maybe you battle with the same issues, maybe you have another issue you're battling. Set a small goal for yourself & let's encourage one another. I am actually excited & hopeful that this will be the beginning of a major change in my life. Thanks for taking part in this & follow along with me as I go. God bless, Dianna