Patience

Hi,

Another good day. I have to say, though, I am missing the food a bit. I don't miss the feeling of overeating or the lack of self-control, or knowing that I was being disobedient. But, I am so not used to eating this little amount of food; especially on a consistent basis. Part of me is worried I am not eating enough & that my metabolism will come to a halt, get used to fewer calories & I will stop losing weight. But, in my heart, I know that I shouldn't eat when I'm not hungry & I shouldn't eat more than my body needs, no matter what experts say. I refuse to count points or calories or fat grams or any such thing. I guess I need a boost of faith today that if I seek first His kingdom & His righteousness, all other things (including weight loss) will be added unto me. Do I believe that God wants me to be thin? Yes, I'd have to say I do. If I think of all the benefits to being thin & fit verses all the negatives of being heavy & unfit, of course God would choose us to be thin. I don't mean Twiggy thin, but healthy thin. He says He grants us the desires of our heart & my desires in this area are #1: obey what His word says about eating #2: trust in Him alone for all the other reasons I have previously turned to food, and #3: be thin & healthy so I can run this race as best I can for as long as I am on this Earth. Those are the good reasons, but again, if I'm truly honest, I am struggling with the fact that I want to be thin so I will look better. That's the murky area, because that can't be my motivation. That's just pure vanity...but, it's there. I asked myself the question today: if I didn't lose another pound, would I still continue the habits I've started? There's a tough one. I'd like to think I would, but I can't say for sure.

I believe this (weight loss) will happen on one level, yet I have to admit I am struggling on another. As anyone who knows me well can attest, I am NOT a patient person on any counts. I want to have lost all the weight already. How ridiculous is that? I know it's not logical, but there it is. That whole "long-suffering" fruit of the Spirit isn't quite ripe yet in me, either. But, I am still hopeful, if that doesn't sound too contradictory. I doubt, but I have hope.....doesn't seem possible, but it's true. I have to just remind myself that God is in control & when I start to doubt, it's because I'm trying to take that control back again. I don't want it back because I know I always mess it up. I have to realize that even though I am doing great, I still need to submit it to Him every day. I wonder if this is how a recovering alcoholic or drug addict feels when they've been clean for a while....like, "I've beaten that....I just want it over with & not think about it anymore". Maybe that's not a possibility? Time will tell. Love you all, thanks for the posts, Dianna