Well, I have to confess I got on the scale again today. I've lost another pound, which brings me to 15, which I'm excited about, but I gotta stop getting on the stupid scale so often. Once a week should be plenty. On one hand, I am very happy for the 15 pounds. I am fitting into old clothes again, have much more energy, and have the satisfaction knowing I am trying to walk in obedience in this area. I am starting to like my face again. I have never in my life been happy with my body, even when I was thin & firm (before kids, of course!!!). I never minded my face, though. I mean, I never thought I was super model material, but I never thought I was ugly in the face area. For the last few years, however, the changes in my face have been the hardest for me to deal with. All bloated & yucky. Very depressing. But, now it's starting to thin out a bit & I can pass a mirror without cringing. From the head up, that is. I still absolutely HATE my body & that's something I've really got to work on, because it's going to take a while for it to get to the point where I won't. Part of me wonders if I will ever love the skin I'm in. I look back at certain pictures of me in my early 20s, when I was barely eating anything, not eating meat or ANYTHING with fat in it, and throwing up if I did binge (sorry for the grossness), and think---how could I not have been happy with that? I remember vividly thinking then--I lost all this weight & I'm still not happy: what's the point? Anyway, so I'm thinking I need to start loving my body now, so that when I do get to whatever weight this journey leads me to, I will be OK with myself. I just don't know if that's possible, though, yet. I hate seeing pictures of myself, hate seeing myself in a full length mirror, etc.....
I really just want to be thin NOW!!! I feel like I have changed on the inside...my thoughts about food & my heart towards it have changed, so it's hard to wait for the outside to catch up. But, I will continue to hope. I will turn my attention towards all the positives & know that all will happen in God's timing, which is perfect. God always forgives us for our sins when we sincerely confess & repent. In fact, Psalm 103:12 says, "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." That's awesome!!! But, unfortunately, even though He removes our sins when we repent, often times the consequences of our sins are still there & have to be dealt with. Think about it, if you have an affair & repent, God will forgive you, but you still have to deal with the mess you made of the marriage. In my case, I've had almost a whole life time of sinful habits & attitudes towards food. I know I can't expect those consequences to disappear over night. Too bad. Oh, well. Love you all, Dianna
3 comments:
Dianna:
I would love to be able to get up and go with no fuss. I think your face is very pretty and no I'm not just saying that to "cheer you up". You have that Ivory Snow face, I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself I would never have known although maybe there are alot more of us out there that do but would never admit it. i.e. me.
I was reading the previous post and your comment about the sugarfee just as I was eating a slice of pizza. (I haven't had a slice of pizza for lunch in months) its always pb & J. I do believe what you say and I'm concentrating on that. Good luck with the one pound and remember you can't weigh again til next Wed.
I mean it Dianna, no weighing, just think you have something to look forward to...
P.S.
I meant to tell you the other night that what a difference with the weightloss. I guess I didn't cuz I know you lost weight but either way I should've for encouragement. I aplogize for that. Dianna, "LOOKIN' GOOD"
Dianna,
You are a very pretty woman. Just because your not skinny doesn't mean your ugly. Your awesome attitude also adds to your beauty. I am not just saying this either just to make you feel better. There is a reason your husband loves you so much and will do anything for you. You are beautiful in so many ways. I hope that you soon learn to love your yourself. Although, who am I to talk. I can't stand looking at myself. I guess we are all our own worst critics. Especially women. I know how you feel and it is a terrible feeling. But you are such a pretty woman and if you never lose another pound, you still be pretty. Love you Dianna.
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